The Daily Dreamer

Running from Adam

2012-02-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

The Dream: Clark and I, and Adam and his partner, are twoteams of spies. Clark and I become suspicious of Adam and his“Operation,” and we want to get out of it. We try to flee undetected, but Adamsoon figures out we’ve bailed and comes in pursuit. We are on the sidewalk,running from Adam, when Clark notices a Paramount Theateracross the street, showing the Matrix. The theater is like the grand moviepalaces of my youth. Clark says, “He thinks we’ll go seethat movie.” In that case I think the theater is an excellent place to avoid, butto my surprise Clark leads me straight to it. “Why gohere?!” I demand.

I don’t get an answer, but instead we wander into the darkbowels of the place, with its labyrinthine twists and turns beneath the mainfloor. Adam is in hot pursuit. At one turn we come to a market where artisticgoods are sold. I admire some lovely glass pieces and try to decide which tobuy. I am torn between a beautiful, very tall amber candlestick holder and aclear glass bowl with sparkly flecks. Ichoose the bowl because the candlestick, while very lovely, has no practicaluse. I don’t have room for something that is onlydecorative, but I can use the bowl to serve food to guests. I have something I am offering for sale at about thesame price in this bazaar; I wonder if anyone will buy it. Adam is still afterus; that anxiety looms over all.

Interpretation: Adam, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, isthe first human who knows he will experience mortality. In this dream, mymortality is in hot pursuit. We duck into the Paramount(of greatest importance) Theater to confront this fact of life. The film that’splaying, The Matrix, symbolizes the intricate web of life on earth.

In the middle of this, a bazaar (yes, life is bizarre!)appears, and the dream ego is temporarily diverted by pondering a very basicquestion: Is art utterly useless, as Oscar Wilde tells us, or should it have apractical purpose? The deeper meaning here is my hope that my life (my art)will have a purpose. I’m hoping that the piece I buy (the things I've chosen to do) can, indeed, be used tonourish others. This can only happen if others buy (accept) what I have to offer. This remains a hope, not yet a psychic reality, since fear ofdeath still looms.

The Inner Necessity

2012-02-08T11:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it seems our biggest conflicts are with ourselves. By making us aware of these inner battles a dream can help us resolve them.

The Dream: A group of women are sitting in a configuration that resembles half a horseshoe. I sit near the bottom of the “U.” A woman sitting near the door wants to be an actress. I suggest that if she wants to get a part she go to the audition in character, in other words, play the part she is trying out for. She is very offended by my suggestion that she do something she sees as not true to herself. I react to her being offended by thinking that she’s stupid. Here I’ve come up with a practical and workable solution to her problem and she won’t do it.

Interpretation: This dream is about authenticity; two parts of my psyche are in conflict: the practical and the idealistic. The dream ego (the “I” in the dream) sits near the bottom of this inverted bell curve (the U shape of the horseshoe). Things are upside down here, not normal—even the bell curve is upside down. This might be a suggestion that I see “you” (U), in other words, forces outside myself, as being in charge. A part of me—the woman sitting near the door (the “she” in the dream), wants to be an actress (play a different role). Her proximity to the door tells me that she thinks that if she could play this role she could escape the situation she currently finds herself in. The dream ego suggests she go for it: play the part she wants. While she finds this offensive, and in some way not true to herself, the dream ego thinks that she is stopping herself from being what she wants to be in a willful and stupid way. This internal conflict is a pretty strong hint that I need to look at what I’m doing and what I want to be doing and see if I need to make some adjustments.

Empathy in an Artifact

2012-02-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I’m in a foreign country. A woman is digging in asandy spot, with water puddling in the hole as she digs. The location is a citysquare. It isn’t green, with trees and grass, but more like a European townsquare with packed sandy earth. At onepoint I hear that we are in Mesopotamia, and at anotherthat we are in a Mediterranean country.

I watch the woman dig; her action seems inappropriate,considering how she is dressed and her age: she’s middle class and middle aged.I become excited and say, “When I lived in England I wrote a novel, and I gotthe idea for it doing what you’re doing: I was digging with my children.”

Clark says, “You can often findartifacts.” He begins to dig in or near the woman’s spot and in short orderextracts a circular clay piece with what appears to be a primitive god in thecenter. I wonder if we can keep this interesting object or whether we arelegally required to turn it in. I want it.

Later we are sitting at a table, the three of us. Clarkis to my right; the woman to my left. When Clark passesthe artifact to me I plan to slip it into my carrier bag. He hands it to me,but rather than the clay sculpture it is a picture of the artifact on shinyphotographic paper, with a list of the god’s attributes to the right. There arefour, and the 3^rd one is “empathy.”

“Empathy?” I think.“That’s an odd trait for a primitive god.”

Interpretation: Something is coming up from underneath. Thepuddling water tells me that unconscious material is coming to the surface. Tostart, let’s take a look at the geometric symbols in this dream: there’s thecity “square,” the round clay artifact and the square table where we later sit.The square and the circle are both symbols of what Jung calls the Self, in other words, thecombination my consciousness (what I’m aware of) and my unconscious (what I’munaware of thinking or feeling). Dream are road maps, telling us where we are onthe path to individuation, anotherJungian term for the process of incorporating our unconscious material into ourconscious awareness.

The middle aged woman is me, digging into my dreams andbringing unconscious material to the surface. When I am joined by my husbandClark (my other half) and my children (the curious, experimental, engaged partsof myself) an artifact (a long-buried, but new to me, part of myself) quicklyappears. This is something I want, even though I have some qualms about myright to have it.

Later, at the table (have the gifts from the unconsciousbeen tabled?), I plot to steal the artifact. But I can’t do it. It turns into arepresentation of itself, becoming as ephemeral as the dream that engenderedit. But it does have a message for me,“Empathy.”

No Longer on a Higher Plane

2012-02-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

Many dreams are about work. Whatever field you're in, chances are you face some conflicts. This dream is a good example of the way the unconscious identifies and attempts to resolve the issues.

The Dream: I am in an airplane going to Australia. There are very few people on the flight, and I’m surprised the effort has not been abandoned. The plane is huge, which emphasizes how few flyers there are. Clark and I sit about one quarter of the way back from a partition dividing the sections, and the other passengers are way back, about one quarter from the rear of the plane. The plane does not exactly take off, but flies very low through a city space like NYC. I wonder if we will ever gain a plane-like elevation. We cross bridges and fly/taxi along for miles and miles.

Then we are airborne, en route, and this is when I wonder about the practicality of this flight that has so few passengers. I discover I’ve neglected to pack my art supplies and feel a sense of loss at having forgotten something important. I think I could buy some in Australia, and at the same time I think I might like a vacation—no art making for a week or so. A rest might do me good.

Now I’m in an advertising office, or some sort of commercial art studio. The artists are busily painting at large easels. I don’t particularly care for what they are producing, but I find their process--the way they are producing it—exciting, and I want to try. It looks like fun! I want to play with their toys. I see a painting to the left instantly transform, coming together in a way that didn’t at first seem possible. I see a large painting with Michael Jackson in the foreground and the 3 Supremes behind him. It’s done in a pointillist style. I think I’ve done the same painting, only in mine Michael Jackson was naked.

Interpretation: This dream reveals my feelings about my work as an artist / illustrator. I start off on a lower level, and I stay there for so long that it doesn’t seem possible I’ll be elevated by the plane (art pun: picture plane) that I’m on. Once I (my skills, my career) finally do take off I discover I have no materials to work with. And there are so few passengers (people interested in my art) that I’m concerned about the practicality of the “effort.” I don’t have the “right stuff” to work on this level. Down on earth again I visit the commercial realm. Here I find a way to work—and it’s fun! On the other hand, I question the value of the product. The dream holds out some hope that this type of work can be transformed, as the paintings in the dream are. Since my artist (Michael Jackson) is exposed (naked) I might be able to produce some sort of meaningful, gutsy work in this down-to-earth commercial world, and have fun doing it.

Written on the Body

2012-01-29T08:56:00.000-08:00

This dream is a good example of how dreams play with images.

The Dream Image: A gash in something that looks like flesh.It’s filled with letters.

Interpretation: The simple vulva shape of the “gash” makesme think this image refers to femininity with its attendant social “castration”(the red gash) that Freud documented. As a woman I feel that what he sees aspenis envy has nothing to do with the organ, but everything to do with thelimited possibilities woman were afforded before the 1970s. At the same time theletters are a sly wink at DNA, themysterious sequence that determines who we are. From this point of view thedream says that femininity is at the very core of my being. But wait: thisfeminine symbol is filled with mail (male): the introduction of the male intothe female is at the basis of creation and represents completeness. To limitmyself to the feminine is not to see myself in my full potentiality.

Guest Dreamer: The Flying Dinosaur

2012-01-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

In thisguest dream, Firequeen faces grief at the loss of her husband. Death appears asa swift raptor, a cheetah that cheats her of her beloved. The dream triggers apowerful transformation: By facing her pain in the dream, healing can begin.

Firequeen’sDream: Weird dream last night. I was standing in my house with Wolfram, it wasnot this house but the room we were in was this one (office). We were standingat the window and we saw a flying dinosaur - about the size of a pelican - thename given me in the dream was velociraptor, but I just looked that up and itdoesn't have wings. This had a big head and a very long sharp beak. Wolfram wasintrigued with it and began making faces at it and waving his arms to annoy it(he was like that) and it turned and flew towards us. This did not make himgive up. It flew straight at the window and its beak pierced the glass, makinga hole. It made about three of these holes. Then it saw a small bird sitting ona bush and it speared the poor bird with its beak. Then it sat back on itshaunches - it had turned into a cheetah-like creature and was holding the birdin its paws and had a grinning mouth full of teeth. It seemed able to changeback and forth between these two creatures at will. I felt it was extremelydangerous and could get in the house through the holes it had made, so Ipersuaded Wolfram we should leave the room and shut the room door behind us.

Then wewent to the door of the house and I saw the house was in a field with openspace around. People were coming towards the house and I was supposed to havemade food for them, but hadn't. Then Libby came and she was carrying trays ofbeautiful food and cakes, which she had made for us and the people. There wasmore but I only remember fragments - Adrian, a friend I haven't seen for a longtime, was holding a pane of glass and saying he was going to repair thewindow. I felt I had to warn all thesepeople about the velociraptor, but I could not get them to listen. I keptlining them up outside the house and saying they had to listen to me beforethey went in. But they were too busy talking to each other. If any of them didlisten, they dismissed it as imagination.

Firequeen’s afterthought: Some days afterwards, I wasthinking about this dream, and how Wolfram is so often with me in dreams, and Ifelt sure that he is always there, even when I don’t know it, and then Ireceived the message that this is so, and it is because we are now merged. Wedon’t have to wait until after my death. And maybe this was why he ‘wasn’tthere’ on the holiday this year, when he had been so vividly present the year before- because he had been present in me.

Carla’s interpretation:The dreamer has shared some facts from her life that I take into account as Iinterpret her dream as if it were my own. I am standing in my house (my self)with my husband Wolfram, who in waking life died unexpectedly in 2006. We arein the office, which is the dream’s way of telling me that I have some work todo. The window I look through represents my view of things, and the creaturethat I see tells me what I need to work on. I see a dinosaur, which has mythicelements for me, reminding me of a fairytale dragon (something to beconquered), but this dinosaur is very particular—it’s a velociraptor, a wordthat literally means swift seizer. My husband was swiftly seized by death, andthe dream is helping me deal with my feelings around this tragedy. The dinosaurbreaks the glass: my husband’s death has been a shattering experience. My soul(the bird) is held in this fearsome event, and I feel cheated (the Cheetah). Ihave tried not to look at this painful reality. (I persuade Wolfram we shouldleave the room and shut the door behind us.)

Yet havingexperienced the pain and fear of my loss in the dream space, I begin to heal. Igo to the door (a threshold, the demarcation between one state and another),leaving the painful part of my inner world to enter the open space of a field. Myworld view is opening up. Because of my suffering I hadn’t been able tonourish my friendships (make food for my friends), but my friend Libby (thepart of me that is now ready to interact and give to others) has providedenough for all. The Adrian part of me (a part that has beengone for a while) will repair my shattered heart (the glass pane “pain”).

My dreamshows me how I have progressed through my grief, but also warns me not toforget the life lessons I have learned, even though there are parts of me thatdon’t want to know as well as people in waking life who refuse to accept the difficulty of dealing with death (the people who ignore my warnings about the swiftseizer). As I can see from my thoughts a few days later, my spiritual beliefs wereactivated by the dream and console me with the realization that my love and Ihave merged: he lives on through me—in real time. Wolfram is not lost to me.

Preparing the Spirit for Rebirth

2012-01-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I press a bird against a spinning spindle that pulverizes it. The bird does not resist, but looks at me mournfully. I feel terrible doing this, slowly killing this lovely defenseless creature. When it is pulverized I am to eat the little mortarized bits. I steel myself for this task, and also wonder how I will retrieve the pulverized bird from the wood chips at the bottom of the spindle so I can eat them.

Interpretation: Part of the spiritual journey involves breaking ourselves down in preparation for a new soul (psyche). In this dream the bird represents the soul or spirit. What slowly destroys me is my time on the earth, spinning on its axis like the pulverizing spindle. For me, as for the bird, resistance is futile. My eating the broken down bits symbolizes taking back in the transformed parts of myself, a kind of rebirth.

Love and Death

2012-01-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes dreams very simply and clearly encapsulate the central issue of a life situation.

The Dream: I am in a forest. To my left are four trees, whose leaves have turned beautiful fall shades. I move up a mountain in some mysterious way, as if on an invisible conveyor belt. The forest surrounding these four trees is deep conifer green. Out of an intense, palpable loneliness I pray to god for love. The god tells me that great love involves great pain and asks, “Can you handle it?” I say I can.

Interpretation: In waking life a close friend’s husband is dying, and as I watch her suffer I ask myself, in a dream, if this can be avoided. The dream tells me it cannot.

Yet Another Brown Baby

2012-01-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

What does it mean when famous people appear in our dreams?To figure this out we need to take a look at which aspects of ourselves theyrepresent.

The Dream: Obama is having an affair, and a brown baby isthe result. I go to see the baby with some trepidation. I am a relative,perhaps the grandmother. Obama’s paramour has short curly brown hair and a softand acquiescent feminine affect. She is a woman who stays in the background;she lacks assertiveness. She’s a shadowy, if central, player.

I am disappointed in Obama for being unfaithful to Michelle,but he says he “needs a rest.” I can see his current lover would be just that,and that Michelle’s relentlessly high standards could be hard to live with. Ibegin to understand, and accept, his behavior, but I think the baby willnevertheless be an embarrassment.

Then I meet the baby and am completely charmed. He is abeautiful shade of brown with an egg-shaped, slightly conical head. He wearsred glasses and—just like the baby in the last dream—is preternaturally smart.I am very drawn to him and want to hold him.

Interpretation: In the dream Obama represents my ego, thecentral organizing force of my personality. His paramour is my shadow feminineside (She’s a shadowy, if central, player). I need a rest from the demandingpart of my personality (Michelle); this is the part that drives me to work toohard and never seems satisfied with my accomplishments. My weaker, intuitiveside (the shadow feminine) has produced something that feels illegitimate (thebaby born out of wedlock). This makes me uneasy, and there’s a strong hint thatwhat makes me uneasy is my fear of social opprobrium. But the reality of thebaby changes everything; this new life that is being born in my psyche is somethingimportant and elemental (brown like the earth). This is something to embrace.

So Ugly She’s Cute

2012-01-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

The Dream: My college friend Mary has a baby who’s so ugly that she’s cute. She is brown with straight golden-brown hair cut in long bangs, and she wears glasses. The baby is very young, only a few months old. She nurses with delight at Mary’s large breast. It soon becomes clear that the baby is very precocious. She can sit and talk; we can tell she is extremely intelligent. Mary is thrilled with her baby.

Interpretation: I think the newly arrived brown babies (this is the second one recently) are linked to a more authentic artistic self emerging as I work on my illustrated dream journals. Not all will find these drawings “beautiful,” yet I find them immensely appealing: so ugly they are beautiful. In waking life Mary is someone who has expressed her own artistic proclivities through others: she married a writer and has many friends in the arts. In the dream the Mary part of me—not quite brave enough to be an artist—has given birth to someone who might manage it. Mary nourishes the baby and is thrilled with her arrival: both good signs.

Act

2012-01-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

The Dream: A pale teenager with long straight blonde hair is in a theater production and is not happy with the way things are going. I tell her to say cheering things to herself and to pretend to enjoy it. I give her some examples, and I say, “You are an actress—Act!”

Interpretation: I feel that some aspect of my life has become a production, and I’m not happy about it. The dream points out that the part of me that isn’t handling the situation well is my inner teenager, and it suggests that I invoke some adult coping skills. One of these apparently is the “power of positive thinking.”

Two Faces

2012-01-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

The first post of the New Year seems a good time to talkabout why we bother to look at our dreams. What’s to be gained? Your dreams tell you who you are. Your dreams teach you toaccept yourself. They point out where you’re uneasy, uncomfortable, ashamed, guarded,envious, angry, hurt; sometimes a dream will show you that these feelings arerooted in something that, as an adult, you wouldn’t think twice about. Youbegin to learn what’s driving you and, once you know, you are in a better positionto decide if it’s something you want in the driver’s seat. Like any spiritualpractice, this self-knowledge doesn’t appear over-night. (But it does appearover many nights!) It takes time and attention, and the willingness to behonest with yourself, to take the time to write down your dreams and to look atthem carefully. It might strike some as self-indulgent, but ultimately it is notonly a gift to yourself but also a gift to those around you. As you become moreaware of your authentic self, and more accepting of yourself in all yourcomplexity, you will notice that you are more compassionate and more acceptingof others.

The point of this blog is to give you an example of how oneperson looks at her dreams. My hope is that it will guide you to a way to lookat your own. Serious dream workers do not suggest that dreams have one fixedmeaning or that we can come up with a single interpretation and say “that’sit!” There are always other possibilities. You will know that you’re on theright path with an interpretation if you react with an “aha!” to a particular insight.

I chose the image Two Faces for this post to demonstratethe conflicting parts that make up us humans: the good side, the bad side, notto mention gradations of all sorts in between. For the New Year I wish yousuccess in discovering all parts of yourself. Welcome them to your consciousworld.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T16:19:00.000-08:00

I wish you a dreamy New Year

For some thoughts on the symbolic meaning of this end of year celebration see The New Year as Transition by guest writer Rob Drew.

The Beautiful Dark Baby

2011-12-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

The Dream: A good friend from my college days has a veryyoung daughter, about 3 years old, with dark skin. I look at her husband to seeif he is the source of the girl’s complexion, but he is as fair as his wife.The girl is adorable; her coloring is inexplicable. Was she adopted?

Interpretation: Something that has its roots in my past(college days) has recently (within the past three years) come to fruition.While it isn’t what I expected, and I’m not entirely sure where it came from,it is beautiful. Clearly I must adopt (accept) it.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T18:28:00.000-08:00

Partridge in a Pear

Happy Solstice

2011-12-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

Today ‘s dream is communal: our dream of rebirth on the dayof the Sun’s nadir, an event which has been the focus of religious ritualssince time immemorial. I wish you all,whatever your tradition, the joy of a new beginning celebrated in a communityof love and peace.

Dancer in the Dance

2011-12-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I’m taking dancing lessons. At first the teacheris enchanted with my potential. Later she comments on two of us students: “Claraand Carla, I thought they were going to be something special; but no, they area disappointment.” I understand I have no outstanding talent, and I think “I’mtoo old for fancy leaps.” I awakened feeling unsettled.

Interpretation: In waking life I’m dealing with an elderlyand demented relative, and part of the job is finding a burial site for her.This unpleasant duty was the inspiration for this dream. The meaning here of beingunexceptional is that my fate in the dance of life is the same as her fate; in other words, I’mgoing to die. Of course this is not news, and yet to face it is unsettling,especially since I’m too old for fancy leaps.

Up a Tree

2011-12-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

The Dream: At the back of a rectangular garden bordering apark a woman is trussed up in a tree in a pose resembling a yoga back bend. Thehouse and garden belong to me, although they have an English feeling. The eventtakes place on the other side of my fence so it’s not on my property, but thereis some confusion about who is responsible for this patch of land adjacent tomine. The “city” claims it is the homeowner. I don’t feel it is, but myoriginal certitude on this point is shaken by the city’s unexpected position.In any event, the girl is rescued and released from her bondage up the tree.

Interpretation: I amin a difficult position, up a tree and bending over backward to please. MyUnconscious won’t let me get away with blaming others for this dilemma—itpoints out that the house and the garden (where I live and where I am) belongto me, even though they may feel foreign (English). The dream ego is at painsto put up a wall (fence) between me and the problem, but my own deeper wisdom (thecentral authority: the city) insists otherwise. When I start to see its point(I am not so certain that it’s not my responsibility), I am rescued.

A Pound of Flesh

2011-12-11T11:42:00.001-08:00

Dream image: A block of skin and fat has been removed frommy body. Once the fat has been removed the skin will be replaced. But there’s aproblem: there is no agreement as to how to excise the fat. A team of doctorsdebate whether it would be better to scrape it off or to melt it. No one knowsquite what to do. There are other similar blocks placed in a row, but it seemsthese present no difficulties and can be dealt with using other methods.

Interpretation: As Itry to cope with the difficulties of caring for an elderly relative in wakinglife, the dream tells me I feel as if someone has taken a piece of my hide. Asmuch as I might like to block this unpleasant reality the required pound offlesh is extracted, and it doesn’t look as if I know how to get it back.

My Ant is Lanced

2011-12-07T08:47:00.001-08:00

Molestation in the news triggers a childhood "memory."

The Dream: A very tough-looking guy is in charge of apeculiar ant-like creature. The ant has a perfectly round head and a body madeof transparent, glowing red-brown sections. The head is yellow ochre. It’s asif I am seeing an exposed skeleton, but on a living creature. The “ant” is verylarge, probably about 5 feet long. The man has several sets of paraphernaliaresembling studded dog collars--but actually hand-cuffs--that he uses tocontrol the ant.

The man is balding with dark brown hair; his red face has astubby growth of beard. He’s solid and a little overweight. He has belied histough looks by being helpful to me, yet when I come in contact with some otherswe accuse him of rape. I know this is false, but having made a commitment tothis accusation I cling to it. The man starts to remove his studded hand-cuffsfrom his wrists where he stores them, and I think he’s going to attack us.Instead he hangs the cuffs on a peg.

Later, apparently having resolved the “rape” issue I needthe man to kill the insect. I have come to like the creature and can’t kill itmyself. I also don’t want it to suffer; I want it killed quickly andmercifully. In addition I want to preserve its body, so I want it killed in away that won’t damage its skeleton (body).

The man shakes his head gravely in assent as I explain thismission. I think he is attached to his charge, the ant, in a way, and doesn’twant someone inept bungling this deed. He says, “Most people don’t understandhow to do this.” He goes back a distanceand charges the creature with a long pointed lance, making a terrible andfierce face as he does. I am alarmed by this look and surprised at the violenceof the method. I think this will be messier than I had wished or anticipated.

He charges the ant, fracturing its large round head in two.The open half spheres are filled with a white thick substance that spills overthe edges.

Interpretation: This dream was triggered by news of a localmolestation case. The young victim was abused by her swim coach; she had beenprimed for the abuse by being forced to swim laps wearing a dog-collar while she was heldon a leash. The dream examines the confusion of a child’s first view of sex.Did I see my aunt (ant) and uncle, a good natured but tough guy, in the actwhen I was too young to understand what I was seeing? I eliminate (kill) the aunt, whose skeletonbody represents the bare bones of a knowledge I’m not ready to accept. Doesthis childish disgust and fear lurk behind my adult feelings about sex?Something to think about.

Something’s Got a Hold of Me

2011-12-04T11:46:00.001-08:00

The Dream: I’m in bed with my husband Clark, but having sexwith someone else who is small in stature and not particularly attractive, butvery seductive. I later find out he has had concurrent affairs with manyothers, each of whom thought she was the only one. I find a message he has sentto one of his paramours. He has drawn a lush lake shore in an expressionisticstyle. In some way this art conveys his undying love for some other woman.

I am incensed and go to fight with this guy who, I hadbelieved, loved only me. I find him in a cafeteria with Clark.The fellow grabs hold of me and won’t let go. No one helps me; I struggle on.

Interpretation: The figure in the dream appears to be atrickster: he is small, seductive, and unattractive. There’s some smallunattractive part of me that I find seductive. In the dream I try out thispart, merging with it (having sex). The part of me that deals with life and theworld in a practical way (Clark, playing the part of myanimus) refuses to get involved in the problem. First he sleeps as thetrickster and I become one, and then he doesn’t lift a finger to free me when I’vehad enough of the experiment. I’ve seen the trickster for what he is:duplicitous and deceptive, yet in some way connected to art and regeneration (the lush lake shore). The dream tells me I’ll struggle on until Irecognize and integrate this unappealing part of myself.

The Ravages of Time

2011-11-30T10:16:00.001-08:00

This is a dream firmly grounded in life, as Clark and I carefor an aging parent. In the present we are caring for his mother, but the dreamevokes my struggle with my own mother’s debilitation at this stage of her life.

The Dream: Mother is staying with us. She hardly eats andstays in bed all day. She is dying. Iwish she would die and end this agony. For a brief moment she emerges from thebedroom, standing and coherent, settling some issues, in control, making plans:she is her old self. I am surprised and think perhaps there is hope. Then shereverts to her incapacitated self, and I wish she would go back to my brother’shouse so I wouldn’t have to face this dreadful situation any longer. I consolemyself that dying of starvation is painless.

Interpretation: It’s all here—the recognition thatmy parent is failing; my mixed feelings: wishing she would get better, wishingshe would die, wishing she would leave—anything to help me avoid the horror ofmy own feelings about loss and death. My concern for myself rather than herstarves us both—and I try to convince myself that this is painless.

A Royal Flush

2011-11-27T12:15:00.001-08:00

The Dream: A public toilet: not only is it public in thesense that it is a large facility anyone can use, but also because there are noprivacy stalls. Someone has defecated, and the toilet I’m about to use is fullof excrement. I’m concerned that adding my contribution will cause an overflowwhen I flush. There is a supervisory woman who seems to think this is okay. Andin fact, when I pull the lever a very small flush clears the entire mess withquiet efficiency. I am relieved.

Interpretation: This dream resolves the last two dreams, TheScream and Much Ado Over Nothing. The first sets the stage for me to confrontthe pain of dealing with my father’s anger. The second transforms myunderstanding of that pain and enables me to see that I am strong enough towithstand it. Today’s dream finishes the purge with a graphicimage of shit that is a lot easier to get rid of than I had anticipated. Andeven mother (the supervisory woman) is on board with letting it go.

Much Ado About Nothing

2011-11-23T12:18:00.001-08:00

The Dream: A crazy man, older, who looks like a World War IIvet, is shooting 2 six guns outside a museum. I run for cover and cower amongwhat look like archeological remains: pillars, columns, large stones, in thearea across from the building. A woman holds me; she wears a blue jacket.Partially she holds me out of her own fear; partially to comfort me.

Interpretation: Thisis my terrified inner child, confronting the angry father of my early childhood.He is in front of a museum, a place where artifacts of the (my) past arestored. Mother and I cower among the old ruins, those ruined times of painfulfamily interactions. Doing the illustration for this dream affected myunderstanding: what Dad shot off was his mouth. He was irascible, not mean orcruel, and yet he probably scared my gentle and somewhat timid mother as muchas he scared me. I laughed when I finished the drawing; the silly image showedme our cringing overreaction to some irate words—which, in the final analysis,represented somebody blowing off some steam. Now that I can look at this angerwith an adult perspective I can see there’s no longer reason to be frightened.

The Scream

2011-11-20T12:51:00.001-08:00

The Dream: I am lying on a bed. I put my head into a longtube and scream. My father comes into the room and asks me if I scream often.“No, I say, “this is the only time I ever screamed.”

“Heart attack,” he says.

“Well,” I say, “you’d better take me to the hospital.”

All dither around. No one seems to grasp the urgency of thesituation. Someone asks if I feel any pain, and I say, “Only some tightness inmy chest.”

Interpretation: I’ve got my head up my ass (in a long tube).There’s something emotionally painful (attack in the region of the heart) thatI’m refusing to see. I need some help (the hospital) in order to get this offmy chest.

Night Knight

2011-11-16T13:16:00.001-08:00

A dream often seems to say two opposite things at once;perhaps this is part of their integrative function, to make a harmonious wholeout of all the disparate ideas, urges, thoughts, needs that go into making ushuman.

The Dream: I am explaining to someone that unraveling adream’s meaning is achieved by looking at the dream’s puns or wordplay. As Iawaken I’m thinking, “Night Knight.”

Interpretation: My knight in shining armor (rescuer) is thenight, bringer of dreams. “Wordplay” tells me that the night realm (the unconscious) can be the place where my curiouschild comes out to play. The “knight/night” pun is symbolic: knight(rescuer); night (sleep, time of dreams). The knight’s shining amour impliesgoodness, a noble mission. And then there’s the flip side of both: theknight is a warrior, a killer; the night can be a fearful time when demonsroam.

Connect the Dots

2011-11-13T10:40:00.001-08:00

Is it possible to get to the meaning of a dream that seemsinexplicable?

The Dream: Like many dreams, this one culminated in somethingI couldn’t define or grasp.

Interpretation: Idiscovered the dream’s message when I attempted to illustrate it. The message?Connect the dots. There’s something I’m getting subliminal hints about. The dream is urging me to become more conscious of these, to put them together, and to figure out what's up.

Something I Can’t Get Around

2011-11-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I encounter a large, well-proportioned black manon a path. As we try to pass one another we perform a socially awkward dance:we each move in the direction the blocks the other. We do this several times.The man is tall, attractive, middle-aged, athletic, and looks strong. There isno threat in the encounter, only embarrassment that we can’t get around eachother.

Interpretation: The dream is telling me that there issomething I just can’t get around. I must encounter (and integrate) somethingthat, while not threatening, is very different from the way I see myself; it’ssymbolically opposite me in just about every way: height, race, sex. The dreamhints that I may be on the way toward accepting this part of myself since I seethis “other” as attractive.

Spider in the Garden

2011-11-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I find a black widow spider in the garden. Itscurries under something. I know I should kill it, but I don’t want to. I thinkit won’t hurt me if I don’t disturb it, if I leave it alone.

Interpretation: There’s a potentially poisonous emotion orsituation I need to deal with, but I’m not ready to. Just as soon as it showsitself (starts to come to consciousness), it hides again (is repressed). I decide to “leave it alone.”

The Complications of Eradicating Evil

2011-11-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

The Dream: Some very evil men can’t be controlled. Myhusband Clark decides to murder them. Their bodies are placed upright in apublic space, as if embedded into a curtain that surrounds a public square. Wewait for them to be discovered and to see what sort of public reaction therewill be. Clark is convinced he’s done the right thingand has the courage of his certainty. I’m nervous and unsure. Who will back usup? Who will turn us in? Who knows?

Interpretation: This is a dream about something we confrontevery day as we listen to the news: evil people commit evil deeds; what can Ido about it? In the dream my public, active side, represented by my husband (myother half), takes action. My introverted, more reflective, less impulsive side(represented by the dream ego) is not sure the action taken was a good idea.

A more complicated ethical dilemma arises: we’ve coveredup (veiled) our action. By privately making a decision for the group (thepublic) we risk alienating ourselves from the society we live in. Taking actionhas left us hanging out, much like our victims.

And then there’s another way to look at the dream: what evilpart of myself am I veiling from public view? And isn’t the evil hidden in mybreast the most difficult to eradicate? Partially because even I can’t see it:it’s veiled, embedded and enclosed!

Guest Dreamer: Purification

2011-10-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do you need awashing machine to take you through the complete cycle from contamination topurification? The homey images in this guest dream reveal a powerful transformationin progress.

The Dream: I am inmy house, upstairs. There are guests in the house. I walk into the guestbathroom and decide to flush the toilet. When I do, watery shit bubbles out ofthe drain and rises to the top. It starts to overflow. I panic. The flowingstops before flooding the bathroom, but I run out of there to find a plunger soI can correct the problem. I look for the plunger downstairs in the laundryroom. A woman, my house guest, is sprawled sideways on top of the washingmachine. She is clothed--at least I see she is wearing slacks, shoes and socks.The lid of the washer is up and her rear end is inside the barrel. She lookslike she is just hanging out there, relaxed, with her arm over the lid.

Carla’sinterpretation: In my version of the guest dreamer’s dream, my mind (upstairssymbolizes the head) is engaged with some issues that feel alien to me (theyare guests in my house rather than residents). There’s a lot of difficulty(shit) associated with these issues; repressing them has been draining me butnow they are coming up with such force that they’ve risen to the top of myconsciousness. In fact, they are so powerful they overflow and I panic. I runto find the device (the plunger) that can correct the problem. My unconsciousis hinting here that the solution will be plunging into the difficulty ratherthan trying to avoid it. And, in fact, once I get to the place where I expectto find the plunger, I am in a place of purification, the laundry room. The lidis off, and I see that the problem is being addressed at its source: the rearend of my troublesome “guest.” We can guess that she is the one responsible forthe excess shit in the guest bathroom. Having expelled the mess that was insideher, she is now relaxed while the washing machine completes the purge.

The End of Carla?

2011-10-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

The Dream: A young woman has decided to kill herself. She iswith friends; I am among them. There’s something theatrical about thisendeavor. What should I do? Ignore it? Try to stop her? I do nothing until shetakes some pills, then I call 911. I have difficulty getting through. First Ican’t quite see which buttons to push. My mini-computer becomes my giant cellphone, and even in the dream I find this odd. At last I manage to get through.The person answering the phone is very relaxed. We have a short conversation; Iexplain the situation, but the connection is not good. I say I’ll call back,wondering as I hang up if I’ll get the same guy. Or will I have to explain thesituation all over again?

I await the arrival of the medics; they are slow coming. Noone seems concerned about this potential suicide. As time elapses, the girlcomes around. I find out that her suicide “cocktail” consisted of a calciumpill and a baby aspirin. I realize all this suicide drama has been overblown,and I’m embarrassed over calling 911. I wonder how the medics will react oncethey arrive at this nonexistent crisis.

Interpretation: Oh dear, someone isn’t getting enoughattention. Could it be me? In a slightly more serious vein, some part of me iscrying out for help and having difficulty getting through to others. I don’tseem to have the right equipment: I’m using a computer as a cell phone. When Ifinally do talk to someone the connection is not good. Is the dream a reactionto doing this blog? After all, it’s communication through the computer, and Ihave little way of knowing how it’s received. In the dream no one is concernedabout this potential “suicide.” If Carladies (stops writing this blog) would anyone care? Oh, woe is me!

I’m all Wet

2011-10-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am at a shopping mallwith some friends. I go into a shoe store by myself. The service is great and Ifind some very beautiful shoes. I am so impressed by the service that I go findmy friends who are shopping nearby and bring them back so they can see thismarvelous store. When we enter there is no sales staff, and none appears untilI go to the back to find someone. There isn’t much merchandise either. Myfriends are unimpressed and look askance at my judgment. I feel a certain chillin the air. When I leave the mall it’s pouring and I have no raincoat. I getall wet.

Interpretation: This dream reenactsmy feelings about a waking life experience. I had invited friends to a local theaterevent. The event was oversold, our seats bad and our view blocked by a pole. Theacting was amateurish. My friends were good sports, but I was very embarrassed(all wet) and felt that I had gone down a peg or two in their estimation bydragging them to this mess of an evening. The beautiful shoes I found in the dream symbolize my wish that I could walk away from my embarrassment.

Shorten the Chain

2011-10-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

The Dream: A woman is trying on anantique necklace to see how it looks with her outfit. The jewelry is verybeautiful and the colors go well, but it’s a little too long for the necklineof a blouse that obscures the three-pronged pendant. I suggest she pull thependant higher by shortening the chain.

Interpretation: Another beautifulthing from the past (an antique) that is in danger of being covered over(obscured). I try to deal with the difficulties of the passage of time byshortening the chain that binds the people and events of my past to me.

Guest Dreamer: I Can Bear It

2011-10-16T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today’s guest dreamer is David Ward-Nanney whose recently released novel, Powder Dreams, uses dream analysis as a narrative device. Davidhas given us his own interpretation of the dream’s meaning. Before I read it,I’ll react to his dream as if it were one of mine in the hope that it mightprovide an insight he hasn’t already thought of. As always, the dreamer getsthe last word, and if we differ, his interpretation is the correct one.

TheDream: The house is an entirelyopen plan with lots of space and floor-to-ceiling windows. The windows allowplenty of natural light throughout. I am on the first floor in front of astaircase that leads to the second floor. To my left I see an unidentifiablewoman and man, both about my age and socio-economic level. I know instinctivelythat the man is a friend and the woman is a beloved. I go up the stairs andremember something which makes me go back downstairs. The man and the woman aregone and I see through the back window why. There is a giant grizzly bear onhis hind legs looking into the house from outside. My first thought is thankGod the others got away safely. I try to make my escape upstairs but the bearis now inside the house and grabs my ankles, preventing me from going up. Hesays, “Hold on. Not so fast.” He lets go and I immediately make a dash for thefront door. I make it through the door and onto the front porch when he againgrabs me by the ankles and drags me back in. This time he says, “You can’t getaway and there’s no need to.” While I am frightened I am also cognizant thatthis bear does not necessarily want to eat me.

Carla: The house represents me; its spaciousness and largewindows tell me that I am an open person with a good relationship to the worldoutside my window; light can come in, and I can see out. The woman and man whorather closely resemble me represent the rational and spiritual aspectsof my inner self. I am at peace with these: the man is a friend and the womanbeloved. But when I go “downstairs,” leaving the safety of my intellect andhigher consciousness, they disappear.

Why do I go downstairs (into my unconscious)? Because there’ssomething I need to remember, or get in touch with, that’s important for myhealth and wholeness. Once there I find my supporting friends gone, and I mustface a frightening and deadly beast (my own emotions, passions, my inner“animal”) without their help. I don’t realize it at the time, but it’snecessary for my conscious, rational, “higher” part to disappear temporarily;it would only hinder the integration about to take place. However, knowing that my civilized self is ina safe place reassures me, giving me courage for what’s to come.

The dream’s revelation comes during my terrifyingconfrontation with the bear when he says to me, “You can’t get away and there’sno need to.” Once I realize that I can’t escape my inner animal—and, moreimportant--there’s no need to, I havemade a stride toward accepting this essential part of myself. I am still afraid, but Inow know that I will not be consumed (eaten) by my feelings and passions.

David’sInterpretation: Grizzly bears arefierce hunters and gatherers and are thus able to not only survive but thrivein a global environment that has marked the polar bear for extinction. The bearis an emblem or symbol of the warrior caste. This fierce side of me isrepeatedly baring its ugly head, but the dream is telling me that caution notterror is the right approach and that I cannot escape it. The bear definitelyscares off both the anima and friend archetypes, leaving me to deal with himalone.

Guest Dreamer: My New Life

2011-10-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

Today’s guest dream leads the dreamer toward a glowingtransformation.

TheDream: I dreamed I was present at the birth of another woman's baby. Itwas very large for a newborn, plump and mature looking. The baby was bigenough to weigh about 20 pounds but it was not at all heavy to hold. I held thebaby close to my breast immediately; it wanted to nurse but of course Icouldn't comply. I covered both of us up with a sheer yellow fabric. The baby sat quietly in my lap and we both looked toward the light thatsurrounded us. It didn't matter that we could not see beyond the fabric. Insideour glowing yellow light-weight tent, we were safe and warm withoutdistractions. We were both pacified.

Carla’s interpretation: In my versionof your dream, I am experiencing the emergence of a new sense of who I am andwhat I do. That I refer to the baby as an “it” rather than a “her” or “him”tells me that the baby represents an abstract quality: some important aspect ofmyself is being born. This new me is not yet integrated into the self I know,so I see the person who is giving birth as another woman. My creativity ischanneled through this newly emerging self (the woman's new baby). The babylooks good to me (good-sized, plump, and mature looking) and I want to nourishit. Although I take it to heart (my breast), I am not quite ready to feed thisnew self. I need to acknowledge that its mother and I are one and the same. Ifind a safe and beautiful place, the color of life and enlightenment (yellow,sunlight) for me and the new baby to be together while I wait until I canrecognize that what seems like someone else (the mother of my most preciouscreative force) is me.

Life and Death

2011-10-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

This dream builds on the theme of Don’t Forget the Dogs from a few nights ago. In that dream I tried to avoidlooking at the most basic reality of life—that it ends. Here I begin to acceptthis inevitability.

The Dream: I’m in someone’s house.She has pets; one a dog, the other a lizard. The lizard looks like a made-upanimal, like a dream animal come to life. It’s very cute. My friend is pretty,and naive. She wants her animals to get along and, like a child, thinks theywill. She puts them outside together. A few moments later we see one end of thelizard sticking out of the dog’s mouth. I feel sick and don’t even want tothink about what shape the rest of the lizard is in. She wants to pull it outof the dog’s mouth. I think it might be better to let the dog finish the job.

Interpretation: The lizardrepresents the basic life force. My naïve part wants to believe that this lifeforce can happily co-exist with death. When she puts the lizard (life) and thedog (death) together in their natural setting (outdoors), the inevitablehappens: death devours life. The dream ego is distressed but accepting.

Choices

2011-09-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

Dream Image: Circles, containingdifferent worlds. I must pick one. Each world is represented by a differentimage or symbol.

Interpretation: A dreamrealization of the different roles I play and of the conflict that can resultfrom having to choose where to put my time and energy.

Don’t Forget the Dogs

2011-09-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am about to gosomewhere in a car when I remember the dogs, ranging in age from young adult tosmall puppy. I work to put them all in the trunk so they won’t be left behind.The larger dogs jump in, and I gently round up the smallest puppy, speakingsoothingly as one cajoles a child.

Interpretation: In mythology, Cerberusis a multi-headed dog tasked with guarding the underworld. On my life journey(I’m going somewhere in a car) I would like to forget about the omnipresentreality of death, so I put this realization in the trunk (where I store mybaggage). I sweet talk these creatures (the dogs of death), hoping to controlthem.

Sisterhood is Powerful

2011-09-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a very nice, upscale restaurant with Clark and my two daughters, who are adults, but are wearing clothes they might have worn as children. The dresses are pretty, old-fashioned, summery. I say something about the fights they had as children over clothes. “Are you going to embarrass us in this restaurant?” I ask. They pretend they are going to have an argument, just to tease me.

Interpretation: My waking- life daughters didn’t fight over clothes or embarrass us in restaurants, and they don’t currently dress as children: the children in this dream represent my own inner children and tell me that I’m integrating psychic material from the past. (Their clothes are old fashioned.) Their squabbles stand for old internal conflicts that still make me uneasy. (“Are you going to embarrass us. . ?”) On the other hand, their differences have apparently been worked out to the point that they can get together and tease me. And I know they’re teasing, a good sign.

Two Faces

2011-09-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today’s guest dreamer, Symbolfinder, has worked to understand her dream, and she sent me her insightful analysis along with it. Before I read her interpretation I wrote my own reactions, so you’ll have the benefit of two slightly different slants on the dream’s meaning. The dreamer always gets the last word since she is the only one who knows what the dream's associations mean for her.

The Dream: A co-worker crosses through a doorway. He is carrying a baby that looks like him. The baby has a normal formed face, but on the back of its head is a second face. This second face is not perfectly formed yet - it is crude and incomplete. I note that the child's head is actually two heads, though meshed together. I want to speak up, but I hold my tongue. I might put my co-worker in an uncomfortable situation, where he would need to explain the child's deformity.

Carla: The mythic image of the Roman god Janus comes to mind here. With his two faces, one looking forward and the other back, he is a threshold deity; he oversees the transition from one state to another and is often placed above doors. Janus oversees the beginning and end of things; the month January is named for him.

In my version of Symbolfinder’s dream, I feel a major transition about to take place in my life. Something is ending, and a new phase is about to begin. Since all the characters in my dream represent some part of me, the coworker is a possibly neglected aspect of my psyche that wants to play a greater role in my life. He is in a doorway (a place of transition). The baby he is carrying looks like him, but has two faces, one that can be shown to the world and another that’s not quite right. The second face is not yet fully formed; its incompleteness suggests that this emergent part of me is not ready for prime time. This is emphasized when I stop myself from speaking. Since I want to speak; why don’t I? I am concerned for my coworker, the part of me that carries the burden of this newly emergent part. I feel the world is not ready to accept me as I am, therefore I see my two-headed baby as a deformity. When I get to the point that I can accept this not-so-perfect part of myself, I predict I will be able to embrace both the baby and the coworker, and the two heads will become one.

Symbolfinder’s Analysis:
Shadow / Co-worker: In real life the co-worker is impulsive, unreflective, and inappropriately crosses corporate boundaries. While he holds good technical knowledge, his social intelligence is sometimes weak.He represents a shadow of mine - the unreflective, impulsive part of my personality (it is there!). I am very aware of this side of myself, and that it is a shadow. I have been correcting this side of my personality. Infant/Unconscious: The infant is symbolic of all my potential, but also my current immature state or stage of true awareness. The two faces, I believe, represent my conscious and unconscious. The front complete face is my rationality, which is strong and well developed. The backward-looking underdeveloped face is my unconscious, which is weaker.

Me in the dream: In the dream I hold my tongue, thinking if I ask about the two-faced infant, I will embarrass my co-worker. This is the practical part of the dream and its key message: I sometimes speak unconsciously, and would benefit from more conscious, regulated and filtered speaking. You see, my profession forces me to be objective about people and their actions, and sometimes the truth can hurt, especially if impulsively spoken. Additionally I must ask myself - in my well intentioned corporate maneuvering have I been two-faced? Does my dream simply show my shadow is an immature being with two faces? Thus part of my shadow is that I am two-faced! Materializing the unconscious can give you unpleasant but necessary lessons for life.

Wonder and awe: Some browsing of the images on an alchemy web site demonstrate the symbol of a two-headed person (often with each sex represented). While my dream did not exhibit the hermaphrodite symbolism, nonetheless my unconscious chose to use this symbol. I am in awe that I am dreaming or projecting the same unconscious properties as my alchemical ancestors of hundreds of years ago.
My Jungian lesson: Jung wrote in 'The Psychic Nature of the Alchemical Work' :
"...he (the alchemist) experienced his projection as a property of matter; but what he was in reality experiencing was his own unconscious... as we all know, science began with the stars, and mankind discovered in them the dominants of the unconscious, the 'gods'..."

The unconscious projects its' material onto my dreams, my dreams usually focus on my day's emotions. It uses its' own language of symbols to digest my emotions; the symbols are bizarre to the laymen, but they are interpretable. The symbols are ancient and deep and have utility to the unconscious. If there was no utility, they would not have been stored in our DNA.

Making use of this dream: Dream analysis has a practical end for me - it is not idle fantasizing. This dream represents (once again) that:

My impulsive, unreflective shadow still lives
At work in the corporate environment, sometimes my shadowy unconscious is at work, and it/I can be two faced
My knowledge of the unconscious and all its' working is still immature, and I must continue learning and leveraging its language, symbols and messages.

I’m a 10

2011-09-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

The Dream: My daughter is looking for a job, in spite of the fact that she has one. Scores are given to applicants based on GPA and work experience so that prospective employers can get a quick idea of potential employees’ capabilities. My daughter’s score is 325, and we try to figure out what that means. We discover that she got credit for having an “A” average and, in addition, so much work experience that her score is over the top. We are relieved by this good news.

Interpretation: Over the years my dreams often pointed out that I wasn’t getting (or giving myself) any credit, symbolized by my not being awarded things like credit cards or loans. In this dream, my inner child (my daughter) triumphs with an out of the ballpark score, based on “credits” she has earned. The numbers of her score, added together, make 10, another symbol of perfection. Am I getting over-inflated here?

Why is she looking for a new job? The dream tells me to keep an eye open for new opportunities; perhaps there are some that would make better use of my abilities.

Guest Dreamer: Pulling Roots out of my Feet

2011-09-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

I can think of no spiritual leader who has not warned of suffering along the path to enlightenment. Emily, who frequently contributes insightful comments to this blog, has given us a poignant dream about the difficulties that must be faced and overcome on a spiritual journey.

The Dream: I walk out of a building (I can't see it behind me, but I know I've left it) onto a wide, cement sidewalk. The tall wall of a building is on my left. I am barefoot. Suddenly I am aware of pain on the bottoms of my feet. I realize I am walking on shards of glass: small, colorful pieces are embedding themselves in the bottom of my feet! I can barely walk it hurts so much. Then, I am inside a room, sitting on a chair. I look at the bottom of my feet, and I see that I have roots, like slender tree roots, growing out from the bottom of my feet. I try to pull one out, and I realize it's deep in my leg, up the calf. I don't pull it out. A blonde woman watches me, I think somewhat approving of my actions.

Shift: It rains. Pours. In 2 separate incidents, a man and a woman have left their notebooks/binders in the rain. I rush out into the rain and pick them up and bring them inside as I don't want the rain to ruin them. The man is 30-40ish, tall, and thin. He doesn't appear to be grateful that I rescued his notebook from the rain. His notebook is stuffed with papers and notes. The thought crosses my mind that maybe the rain wouldn't have hurt the notebook after all....end

Carla’s interpretation: I’m leaving my structured way of being (the building) behind. The way ahead is opening up before me (it's wide), but also hard (cement). There’s some sort of unconscious block (the wall to my left). I am vulnerable (barefoot). My foray into this new world outside is risky; I feel pain. There’s something in my path that makes progress difficult and painful; small shards of colorful glass. Apparently I can’t get around my difficulty; I keep walking through this excruciating mess even though my progress is very slow because I am in so much pain. But my persistence is rewarded. I find myself sitting in a room, able to examine my vulnerability (the bare, painful feet). I have roots. I have the potential to be grounded, to find my ground of being. At first I attempt to reject this possibility, but I realize it is too deeply a part of me to be pulled out. The part of me that is enlightened (woman with blonde hair) approves.

Now the rain can come, like an ancient blessing, over the notebooks of a man and a woman. For Jung, male and female together represent a coniunctio, opposites coming together into wholeness. I have, for many years, created notebooks of my dreams. I fear that all this water (so much unconscious material) pouring into my notebooks could ruin them. My stronger male side lets me know that rescue is not necessary. My unconscious material and the spiritual grounding I’ve accomplished by so carefully recording my dreams, and being brave enough to learn from them, are safe.

Taking In Something Valuable

2011-09-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m at a large gathering, which goes on for days. I am looking at some beautiful old architectural drawings that someone threw out and someone else has retrieved. In the mix are lovely old pamphlets. I think these might be valuable and wonder how they would be priced by The Antiques Road Show. I am glad these things were rescued and surprised anyone would want to throw them away. The architectural drawings are of a beautiful old brick house, two stories.

The party goes on and on and I find I’m very tired. People take this as an indication that I don’t like them, and I try to explain. “No. I’m only tired. I’m an introvert and all this activity wears me out. I just want to go read a book.”

Interpretation: The old things that have been rescued tell me that I’ve made peace with my past, discovering things of value there that deserve appreciation. The old architecture (the person I was) has been retrieved. Once I’ve rediscovered these valuable but once rejected parts of myself I take them in (introvert) and look for some solitude in which I can study (read a book) the new things I’ve learned.

Goosed Girl

2011-09-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

Is my inner trickster telling me to open my eyes? Wake up?

The Dream: A man and I are at a party. A tall woman in a champagne-colored, draped-front shift stands next to us. The man pinches her bottom, then stands there looking angelic so she won’t think he did it. After he does this a couple of times I go sit by myself on some stairs, afraid the woman might think I’m the one pinching her.

A little later the woman comes over to me. The man has convinced her that I am the one who pinched her, and she's angry. I sputter my surprise and innocence.

Interpretation: This is what’s called a trickster dream, dreams in which a badly-behaved person gets the better of the dream ego. There’s an interesting pun here, since pinching is said to be a test of whether or not we’re dreaming. (For example, “When I heard I won the Lottery I pinched myself.”) Since we are the entire cast of our dreams, in this dream I’m literally dreaming, I’m getting pinched, and I’m pinching myself. I think my inner trickster was feeling playful. The dream made me laugh, and if it has a deeper meaning I don’t know what it is.

Guest Dreamer: Thirsty

2011-08-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

Can dreams predict the future? Isabel brings us a dream that seems to foretell a brother’s illness.

The Dream: I am in the parking lot of a grocery store and I notice that I am feeling abnormally thirsty. I walk up to the front of the store and realize that there is a huge bucket filled with Arrowhead water bottles. I quickly grab as many as I can and begin gulping them down one after another. I can't stop drinking and just keep becoming thirstier. All of a sudden I find myself no longer at the grocery store but instead in front of my science teacher's classroom at my old middle school. To my surprise, I see another bucket filled with water bottles and I immediately start drinking until all the water bottles are gone and I finally feel satisfied.

Isabel’s comments: When I woke up I thought nothing of the dream, and didn't think of it until about two weeks later when my brother was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. My family and I were in his hospital room while a nurse was talking to us about the disease. She said that one of the main symptoms is being really thirsty all the time. At that point I thought immediately of my dream and told my family about it saying that I must either be psychic or have Diabetes myself. They were amazed that my dream occurred before all of this had happened and my dad suggested I tell my Aunty Emily [a frequent commenter on this blog] since she is in a dream group. I told her today and she started to think about the significance of the fact that the water bottles were Arrowhead and said that we should try breaking the word down into two parts. When I did that I thought of how an arrow points so maybe it was pointing towards the water and the fact that water takes care of your health.

Carla’s comments: In past times people believed that dreams could indeed foretell the future—but they also believed the earth was flat and a lot of other nonsense.* Nevertheless, there might be some ways in which a dream can give you information about the future by cluing you in to things that are subliminal—in other words, things that are below your threshold of awareness. We all observe many things without being aware that we are observing them.

Carla’s projection: I may have noticed, in waking life, that my brother was excessively thirsty, yet been unaware of my own observation. At a deeper level I knew this was important, so my dream brought this to my attention.

Some people report that they became aware of an impending disease as the result of a dream. Many of our physical processes are completely unconscious: how, for example, do we regulate a baby’s growth in utero or decide when to get a fever? This unconscious physical activity can pop up in our dreams to alert us to a problem. Might I have diabetes myself, as I wondered when I remembered my dream after hearing of my brother’s diagnosis? Since diabetes has a genetic link that is a possibility, and I will be sure to be tested.

In the clever way of dreams, my dream has some interesting word play. When it opens, I’m in the parking lot of a grocery store. In other words, I am parked (or stopped) in a place of growth (a gro cery). There is something I must stop and look at before I can proceed. The arrowheads are pointing out that the problem is connected to my thirst. I am near my science class. The word “science” comes from the present participle of the Latin word scire, meaning “to know”. Where do we learn things? In class. So—to sum it up so far: I can’t go anywhere until I learn the thing that is being pointed out to me. The reference to middle school refers to my being in the middle of something; in this case, in the middle of a family crisis. Once I learn the necessary thing, my thirst (for the right information) will be satisfied.

* As if to give me a little slapdown for that remark, after I wrote it I had a dream with a silly little "precognitive" element. I dreamed my mother-in-law was looking for a new bed. Talking to my sister-in-law the next day I told her the dream and she said--guess what? A new bed had just arrived for her mother.

Circle of Life: Not as Scary as It Looks

2011-08-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a large structure, part cave and part man made. My friend Polly and two others are with me. Polly and I talk about taking a pattern-making or draping class just for fun and to refresh our memories (we were once clothes designers). I have some sort of hooked implement with me. We go up and up, into this structure. It’s not too difficult a climb; it’s like a Disney version of a cave. I decide to show the others how to use the hook, throwing it into a cave wall with the idea that I’ll hoist myself up. As I put my weight on it the hook breaks and I fall into a very steep-sided crevasse. I realize as I fall and fall—while my friends watch in mute horror—that there is no way I can climb out of this deep pit.

After my terrifying descent I finally hit bottom. After a little exploration I realize the spot I’m in is not far from our entry point—the place where we started our ascent. I find a door out from the dark and scary pit into the brightly lighted stairs, now looking like a lobby, that lead to the cave ascent. I know I can quickly rejoin my friends, and I feel greatly relieved.

Interpretation: The action in this dream forms a kind of circle: in some way it reminds me of life, death, and rebirth. I climb with my friends; we are involved in work-related activity (pattern making) and enjoy the gentle challenge of the climb. The cave reminds me of early peoples in the Dordogne who created art and practiced religion within similar walls. When I use my “hook” to try to attach myself to this earthly (and what’s more earthly than a cave?) life, I get a terrifying shock. My connection to the earth fails, and I fall into the depths, seemingly gone forever. As the early cave people lived their lives and passed on, I must be prepared to do the same. The reference to Disney tells me that although we would like to sanitize the difficult realities of life on the planet, the superficiality of commercialism and consumerism don’t actually change our core experiences. At the same time, I am given the insight that what looked like the end is a new beginning.

Guest Dreamer: The Strange Case of the Blood Red Haematite and The Philosophers Stone

2011-08-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

One of the mysterious things about dreams is how they help us to get to know ourselves. Openfoot’s training and education emphasized the scientific and rational—which is a good thing. On the other hand, it put him at a distance from his intuitive, feeling side—not such a good thing. In this dream he resolves these two often conflicting ways of perceiving the world. Openfoot, who has his own dream website, will tell us his interpretation of the dream, and I’ll add some comments afterward.

The Dream: I am in a long thin room, a lecture theatre perhaps or the gallery of a museum. It is furnished in a nineteenth century style. There is a lot of wooden panelling and wooden framed, glazed display cases. A group of men, of whom I am one, is in the room. We seem to be wearing period costume although it is perhaps a couple of hundred years older than the furniture and decoration in the room. I get the feeling that a meeting has just ended and we remain discussing the substance of the meeting in an informal way and just socialising.

Attention turns to a geological specimen. The Chairman of the meeting shows it to me in a way that suggests that it’s a challenge. As he hands it to me it looks like a large irregular lump of dark red hematite. He warns me to be careful, it’s heavy.

I take the specimen. All preconceptions are shattered. It’s not heavy; it’s very light! So it can’t be haematite. I remark to the Chairman, “What are you on about. This isn’t heavy it’s light.”
“Rubbish, it’s very heavy” he says.
“No it’s not! Do you have some gold or lead about the place? I’ll show you what heavy is.”
He doesn’t have any gold or lead.

At the other end of the room I continue to discuss this strange phenomenon with a group of three of four men. I hold forth. “This guy is talking rubbish. This specimen is NOT heavy. Look I can throw it about, juggle with it, flip it. It’s NOT heavy”.

One of the men suggests that he sees how it feels to him. I pass it over; it’s heavy! So much so that he can barely hold it. He has to use both hands with the specimen held close to his chest for any sort of comfort. This is all very strange.

We carry the experiment further. I move to him and clasp his hands in mine to help him take the weight….. and yes I can feel that it is heavy when he’s holding it. The more of the weight I take the lighter it becomes! Not just appears to become.

I take the specimen back and confirm that it is now very light again. I toss it about to confirm this. I roll it over with fingers of one hand. What! It’s too big to be able to do this. Closer examination reveals more amazing facts. The more I manipulate the stone the smaller it becomes. It now has the appearance of a semi-precious stone, deep red in colour, mottled orange and black. When I am rolling it it quickly shrinks down to the size of a small coin. Incredible! As I slow the rate of tumbling it grows in size again and starts to become slightly heavier. At its smallest it hardly weighs anything at all.

I move to place the specimen on a sheet of glass resting on a cupboard; its now about the size and shape of a sea-urchin. I’m surprised that the base has become flat, so that it matches the surface on which it is resting to a high degree. As my certainty about its current shape and nature increases it starts to become heavy again. Another aspect of this amazing specimen has emerged. When I think about its nature and shape it becomes heavy.

We turn away from the specimen to discuss these strange phenomena. “What sort of magic is this”? asks one of my companions. I reply that whatever sort it is it has to be natural, there is a natural explanation. This remark is somehow misinterpreted and someone voices the opinion that obviously everything, including magic, is natural. I insist that this isn’t the case and what I mean is that the phenomenon is open to a logical natural explanation rather than a supernatural one.

Looking through the door of the room, to the outside, a ghost like figure emerges from the grey swirling mist. He appears dressed as a seventeenth century soldier. The ghost draws closer and can now been seen at full size outside the main window. I get the impression that it is the ghost of the man who handed me the specimen. We are all very disturbed. I command it to go away, to be gone. To my surprise my voice emerges deep and authoritative.

I wake up to find myself talking in my sleep. Confusion as to whether my command was actually spoken in my sleep, while awakening, or just dreamt.

Open foot’s Commentary: I'm clearly at odds with my fellow committee members. They are all Newtonians. Real, solid, material objects have fixed objective properties, but I’m having none of that. When the specimen is in my hands it undergoes a transmutation and its properties become variable. It adapts to its circumstances and environment. If I don't think about it too much it might even disappear! It’s all a matter of what perspective you take, the way you view the phenomena that arise. Openfoot's mind has now achieved a good degree of flexibility and freedom. A new centre, a new focus of awareness has been achieved. The old one lingers as a memory and is clearly told where to go!

Carla’s comments: I see the dream in much the same way that Openfoot does. In case you would like to know how I got there, I’m posting my reactions to the dream, paragraph by paragraph. As usual, my comments are projections, which means they are true for me but may or may not be true for Openfoot.

The fact that I find myself in a lecture room tells me I have something to learn; that the room also evokes a museum tells me I’m dealing with some old stuff (old issues). I’m surrounded by wood paneling; this image of a linear structure hints that I might need to take a look at something in myself that is rigid. The group of men represent various aspects of me. Our period costume tells me, again, that I’m looking at something from the past.

The geological specimen represents the difficulty I’m dealing with in the dream. The fact that it’s stone tells me that this is going to be hard. The Chairman makes this very clear when he suggests that this will be a challenge. This might be a good place for me to ask myself about the problem I’m facing. What is it? That it is symbolized by stone again suggests that it involves inflexibility, echoing the image of the wood paneling of the first paragraph. Yet its color, a dark red, is often linked to anger or passion; the word hematite comes from the Latin for blood-like stone. Hematite, this blood-red stone, is the perfect symbol of my two divergent parts that need to come together: intellect (what I think) and passion (what I feel).

Once the two parts of my nature are symbolically combined in the image of hematite, a transformation begins. The stone’s initial heaviness is what we expect when we face a weighty problem. But suddenly the stone isn’t heavy; it’s light. I disagree with the Chairman, who represents my in-charge consciousness, my waking life ego. I begin to realize that I, the unconscious dream ego, have a different way of looking at things. The various parts of my psyche “weigh in” on the problem as we experiment to determine where reality lies: Is the stone heavy or is it light?

As I “handle” the problem it becomes smaller. Then, my inflexible stone part miraculously transforms into a living creature, a sea urchin. It takes on qualities of the unconscious (water, sea). Like water it can mold itself to the surface it rests on. Like intuition, the thing refuses to be quantified. The dream is showing me the progress I’m making in my own personal transformation toward a more fully dimensional person. The dream also points out that what I’ve learned is experiential, and not something that can be easily explained logically or rationally. If I subject what I’ve intuitively learned to too much thought it again becomes heavy.

Nevertheless, I defend my new realization that what has occurred is natural, not magical, and its having a logical explanation is possible. It is part of the evolution of my consciousness, which is a natural part of life.

When I look outside (myself) the ghost of my old way of thinking appears. He’s a soldier and will no doubt fight to get me back into the rigidity (the stone) he initially handed me. I’m strong enough to fend him off with my newly found authoritative voice.

She Kills with Kindness

2011-08-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

The Dream: A woman, a celebrity, has a lot of children 7 and under. They are all on a large bed that protrudes onto a city street and seem retractable, like the produce stands that sprout on city streets during business hours. The woman tenderly ministers to the children, but I know she’s killing them. Yet I can’t believe it; she appears to be so genuinely loving. I am confused.

Interpretation: The loving tenderness reminds me of my mother. The retractable bed brings to mind the memory of a time when all three of us children were sick, and Mom set up beds in the living room. She took wonderful care of us. Does the parent, as part of his/her “duty” inevitably “kill” aspects of her children, for example, anti-social, selfish desires or the child’s narcissism? Might the untamed unconscious see this as some sort of murder? Is my psyche still trying to understand these two conflicting roles my mother and all mothers enact?

Picking the Right Complement

2011-08-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Dream image: Doors decorated with abstract patterns in complementary colors. The first is either yellow or orange and purple, but I decide it would look better with blue, even if it weren’t, strictly speaking, correct. A neighbor appears, playing the part of the idealistic man fighting intractable corruption.

Interpretation: Complementary colors are opposite each other on the color wheel, and adding one to the other has a graying effect. The dream hints I’m stuck between opposing forces in a pattern, a stand-in here for a pattern of behavior: two opposite tendencies are canceling each other out. Choosing a color that might not be correct signals my willingness to move in a new direction because if the color isn’t the proper complement it won’t cancel out the other color. But progress is short-lived: the idealistic man fighting intractable corruption brings me back to irreconcilable differences.

The Synthesis

2011-08-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Occasionally a dream echoes the structure of a myth, revealing where we are on our life journey.

The Dream: I find my way to a mountain-top home, a castle-like structure overlooking the surrounding countryside, hilly terrain like the semiarid northern California coastal range. I’m in a turret, with windows on 3 sides. At first there are no other structures to be seen. Later I see what at first appears to be a brilliantly white spire topping some sort of temple rising above the hills. Then I see a very large building that obscures the temple; it looks like the scaffolding of a large office building but has a silvery, glowing quality that makes it difficult for me to figure out exactly what I’m seeing. I soon realize that my confusion was created by a cloud behind the scaffolding. It moves off to the left and the bare bones of a building under construction are revealed.

Back to me in the strange room: I’m in a room to the right of the turret. A crude ladder made of wooden slats, again like a framework or scaffolding, leads to the upper floors. I attempt the climb, initially unafraid, but when I get to a broken slat I recall that I’m afraid of heights, and I find I can’t go on. I back down the ladder.

I see a very gruff Russian man. He is stocky, a little paunchy, and has dark hair surrounding his bald pate. He appears to be a workman; he doesn’t speak. Yet it seems he has alerted the woman in charge, who scampers down the ladder. She is also Russian and approaches me accusingly, suspecting me of espionage. For some reason, when she demands to know my name, I give her the Russian version. Her manner at once changes; she’s gotten the idea that I am of royal lineage. She becomes pleasant, even sycophantic, and no longer wishes to bar me from the ascent. However, my own fear of heights prevents it. I expect the workman to repair the broken slat, thinking that if here were to do so I could perhaps manage the still scary venture—but he makes no move in that direction.

I see that the gruff, bouncer-type man has a notebook. He has written a story about the woman and illustrated it. I am surprised at the sensitive and beautiful quality of his work; even though he’s left many drawings unfinished his talent is apparent. In some of his drawings the women are headless. “You are very talented,” I tell him. It’s a surprise in someone so apparently brutish. He is no longer mute, but very humble: “You are extremely talented,” he says to me. I wonder how he could possibly know that, since I have none of my work with me. We spend some more time, each of us trying to convince the other of his (her) talent.

Interpretation: My dream group helped me with this one. The dream represents a partial victory in the myth that represents my life, but also tells me I have work to do. My first challenge is getting to this difficult spot. I didn’t record the very earliest sequence of the dream, but it was about the steep path up to the strange castle. What do I see from this outlook? Is it a temple, or is it an office building. Do I pray here or do I work here? What I see from my three-windowed turret symbolizes my state of being, a mental space where work and spirit have melded.

My (spiritual) ascent is stopped by a ladder’s broken rung. The thing in need of repair centers on figures from my youth, the scary Russians who made up my family. My first task is to accept myself; I symbolically do this by owning my Russian identity, and this quickly disarms both of the threshold guardians. The woman changes from a hostile force to a benign one, and I realize the complexity of the man, who until now had seemed only brutish. The man symbolically tells me that the wellspring of creativity isn’t particularly genteel; it’s his earthiness and lack of pretension that gives art its life. The women he depicts are headless; his force is not of the intellect.

Ultimately it’s my own fear that stops me, not the physical limitation of the broken rung. The dream tells me that I mustn’t expect someone else to fix it.

Remembrance of Things Past

2011-08-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

The key to this dream is sisterhood.

The Dream: I see a stylish woman wearing a Kappa Kappa Gamma key as an ornament. I think this looks good, and I go to find my own sorority key. In looking for it I find information about the early Kappas, and I become interested in the history of the group and in the sorority itself, things I didn't care about as an active. I realize things have changed, but my own interest in the group, and my feeling of attachment for it, is greater than I remember its being.

A woman appears who is an official of Kappa Kappa Gamma. I tell her that I’ve written a biography of the founder. She asks to see it, and I realize—if I didn’t know it when I spoke—that I made that up. I say I’ve misplaced it, and in the meantime I plan to go to the library and see what I can discover. I tell myself not plagiarize; I hope to find more than one source of information.

I find records of my past Kappa Kappa Gamma activities. There’s a light yellow silk blouse with a v-neck and ruffled collar that seems important. I find an old play that I thought I’d written in New York, but it turns out I wrote it shortly after I was married. It has a large cast of just about everyone Clark and I knew at the time. I think it must not have been too embarrassing a venture, since I don’t remember anything about it.

Interpretation: I’m dealing with my past here, re-evaluating the worth of some of my activities. My participation in a college sorority seems more valuable in the dream than it did at the time. The dream tells me it’s time to look at things differently (I realize things have changed): the history I’ve say I’ve written (the woman’s biography) doesn’t exist. I need to do some research and find some new sources of information. And, what’s more, what I discover must be unique to me: I’m not to plagiarize someone else’s version of the woman’s (my) life.

“Sisterhood” represents my early family life, when I was the “sister.” Looking back, I see I wore a beautiful, well-made silk blouse; I see the experiences I had and the bonds I developed are more positive, and that the gifts of the organization (my family) are greater, than I realized at the time.

The tie-in between sisterhood and my subsequent life (the play in New York) hints that my awkward feeling that everything I did as a young person was awful and embarrassing might not reflect reality. (Maybe it wasn’t too embarrassing a venture.) The dream symbolically points out that the sinking feeling I get when thinking about my own past—partially feelings of loss, partially feelings of embarrassment—might not be accurate. It’s time to take a second look so I can find a more comfortable way to integrate the past with the present.

The Intruder: the Dead Bolt

2011-08-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

This post marks the 300th to this blog. It seems fitting that today's dream deals with some very basic stuff: the archetypal images of mother, life, and death.

The Dream: I am in the parlor of my grandmother’s railroad apartment in Brooklyn. I notice the door that leads to the stairwell is not shut properly. As I notice, someone in the hall shuts the door; I think it’s a helpful neighbor. I go to secure the door by turning the deadbolt lock when the person outside pushes on the door, attempting to get in. I push back and manage to bolt the door. I awaken in terror.

Interpretation: I had this dream shortly after Mother’s Day. The most remarkable thing about it is how frightened I felt when I awakened. My grandfather died when my mother was very young, leaving my foreign-born grandmother to support three children. She avoided remarrying because she had been mistreated by a step-parent and didn't want to risk that possibility for her own children. My mother was born in the apartment. So for me the place symbolizes these two gentle and loving souls, mother and grandmother, the unsung heroes of my life. Both are deceased. My distress is brought on by realizing my mothers have been lost (railroaded) to death (the dead bolt). And, of course, I will be as well.

At first the outside presence seems benign; my first impression is that it is helpful, and there is a helpful aspect to death once the losses of old age become apparent. But still, for me, terrifying.

Putting My Garbage Out Front

2011-07-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I live in a contemporary style house, which suits me since it will accommodate my contemporary furniture. The house is very plain in front, set into a low spot: the curb is higher than the entry. In the front a recessed section strikes me as a good spot for the garbage cans, and I remark that no one will see them because of the way the house is situated.

Interpretation: I've come to a point where my world (my house) and what's valuable to me (my furniture) are harmonious: they are the same style. But I have created something of a fortress for myself; there are no windows looking out onto the street (the larger world) and the curb (symbolizing a limitation) is high. What do I offer the world? My garbage. Even here I waffle about being open and honest (coming clean): while I put my garbage out front, I hope like hell nobody will notice it.

Performance

2011-07-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m part of a group that performs, and some of us die during the course of my dream. The man I am engaged to spends a lot of time with the leading lady, who is very pretty and well aware of it: arrogant and exclusive. I am wandering about in the morning among sleeping bags looking for my fiancé. He is with this other woman; they have slept side-by-side. Later I see them holding hands and I think, “He doesn’t hold my hand.” I go up to them. I place my hand on his arm and say, “It’s over.”

Interpretation: During the course of my life I’ve performed many roles, and some of these are no longer desirable. In that sense, they’re dead. In my psyche, an important part of me (my fiancé) is very attracted (she’s pretty) to some negative qualities: exclusivity and arrogance. These two live beneath my conscious comprehension (in sleeping bags), but as I wander close to them, daylight (morning) signals a dawning awareness. I begin to see I’ve cheated myself by my engagement with these traits, and that I can reject them. (It’s over.)

She's Trying to Tell Me Something

2011-07-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a field. I see a head in a circle. I know the person has died and that this vision is very unusual. Even more unusual, the head—a youngish woman with brown hair—speaks to me. Something about this seems shamanistic or prophetic.

Interpretation: This dream points out that I am on my way toward resolving the conflict that the last several dreams have emphasized: social demands versus private needs. Tony Crisp says that a field (the place I see my dream vision) represents natural feelings or inclinations, or as he puts it: “freedom from social pressure, and the feeling you have about yourself when away from other people.” The head that speaks to me is the part of me that I have enclosed in a protective circle and that has been quiet for so long I think she’s dead. Her speaking to me feels like a prophecy, a hopeful sign that I will begin to listen more closely to my awakened inner voice.

Cheated

2011-07-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I want to buy some chickadees, some pretty little birds. A woman sells me five decorated eggs that she says will hatch out into the birds. Later I see her and she tells me that if the birds do hatch I must tell her how I did it and, what’s more, she wants them back. I feel angry, cheated, and annoyed that she is oblivious.

Interpretation: I want something that will fly, but instead am given potential flight. I have to pay for the thing I don’t want: the thing that I now realize has almost no chance of turning into what I do want. But—should the eggs hatch—I must return them. The number five is significant here; it’s when I started school. Does my psyche see this as the start of my confusing the gloss society puts on a thing (the decorated, infertile egg) with the thing itself (flying bird)? Am I only now realizing I’ve been conned?

An Unusual Horse

2011-07-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

This short dream is about the resolution of two opposing inner forces: one favors instinct, the other reason.

The Dream: I see a pony-sized horse with a very long body and a tiny head. It has a beautiful, shiny, black and white coat. Clark is brushing him. I think the animal is so homely that he’s cute.

Interpretation: In the telescoping way of dreams, this one tells us that it is about duality by juxtaposing three different qualities in the image of the horse: size (body, head); color (black, white); and attractiveness (homely, cute). The opposites I’m working to resolve are the instinctual (the horse) with reason (the head). The small size of the head signals a new direction for me, since I tend to over-intellectualize. The black and white of the pony’s coat echoes the Chinese yin yang, in other words, the coming together of opposites. My husband Clark (my other half) lovingly cares for the animal. My admiration for the pony in its imperfection (he’s so homely that he’s cute) symbolizes a new acceptance of my instinctive nature.

The Need to Focus

2011-07-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I have purchased a very large telescope, and I have a special observation room on the second floor. In the daytime I can see small aspects of life, as if I were looking through a microscope. I’m looking forward to what I’ll see at night.

I become aware that there are other “princesses” like me who have telescopes, only theirs come with harnesses for their heads that enable the device to track automatically. There’s no need for these users to refocus. I wish I had spent more money and gotten myself a telescope like theirs.

Interpretation: Nighttime, dream time, promises to reveal a deeper, more insightful, vision of life. I’m having some difficulty focusing on what is being revealed. A deeper commitment to the process, symbolized by my spending more money (effort) on my equipment (what I need), might solve the problem.

Does the Coat Still Fit?

2011-07-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

What is the price of social acceptance? Today’s dream, a variation on the theme of my last post, discovers the source of “social security.”

The Dream: I’ve left a beautiful coat that my mother made for me in a restaurant. She has embroidered my name into its lining. My Aunt Jenya—famous in the family for her mercurial artistic temperament--has died, and I’ve been given nothing of hers. I regret this, because I think some of her things represent treasures of old Russia and would be wonderful to have. I go back to the restaurant and retrieve the coat.

Interpretation: The coat is the protective warmth of a loving parent. I almost lose it by my association with the difficult aunt, who represents my unpleasant, out-spoken, aggressive side. But it turns out I have none of her qualities (I’ve been given nothing of hers). Because I have none of these (I’ve repressed my “difficult” personality traits) I can go back to the place of sustenance, the restaurant, and wrap myself once again in maternal approval. But—by repressing the negative qualities this aunt represents, am I also repressing her good qualities (her artistic talent)? Maybe I’ve outgrown the coat.

I Sacrifice My Social Security

2011-07-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

The Dream: My daughter has been working as a prostitute in order to pay off her school debt. At first my husband Clark and I don’t react to this; we think she’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions. However, I come to realize, and can see in her countenance, that this “work” is a threat to her very soul since it demands that she cut herself off from her true feelings. I want to help her get out of this situation, so I offer her money. I don’t have much, only my social security check, but I decide, after a little internal struggle, that I don’t need it.

Interpretation: In this dream I begin to realize that I’ve been prostituting my inner vision to satisfy outside demands. I’m paying off a debt (what I owe others) for my education--or what might be more accurately called my socialization. In the course of the dream I become willing to sacrifice approval (social security) to free myself from the necessity to do work I don’t love.

Guest Dreamer: Goodbye Kiss

2011-07-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

Our guest dreamer today is Hunky, whose father recently died. She has asked me to interpret her dream. An important part of dream interpretation is that the dreamer is the final authority on the meaning of her dream. When I comment about her—or anyone’s—dream I am inevitably talking about what the dream would mean to me had I dreamt it. So I’ll discuss Hunky’s dream as if it were my dream.

The Dream: Dad lies on his bed, dead. He is small and thin, half the size he used to be. His skin stretches tightly over his forehead and cheekbones. His gray hair is still course and thick. His head tilts slightly backward and his mouth is wide open.

My brother Tom stands next to the bed and looks down at his father. He goes to a faucet and turns it on. He fills his mouth with water, swishes, then spits it out. He fills his mouth again and walks back to Dad. He leans down and puts his mouth on Dad’s mouth. Tom is using his tongue to clean his father’s mouth. He is thoroughly swabbing all surfaces of the inside of Dad’s mouth. Then Tom sucks the foul water back into his own mouth, turns his back and spits it out.

Carla’s projection: In his lifetime my father was a difficult person. Now that he is gone I am reassessing the man who loomed so large in my psyche, and I see him differently. (He’s now half the size he used to be.) His death is not only literal, but also symbolic as his role in my life diminishes.

My brother Tom is an animus figure in this dream; in other words, he is the strong, active part of me. It is significant that I (in the guise of my brother) am the one that turns on the faucet, which represents the flow of emotions now under my control. As I take the water into my mouth I experience the full range of my feelings—love, hate, grief, release—I swish these all around and then I spit them out, signaling that I’m done with these.

Next I (through Tom) work to purify my father. By cleaning father's mouth I wish to cleanse him of the words, actions, and non-actions that had caused much pain. I cleanse him, and--like the Buddhists who breathe in evil and breathe out love and peace--I transform my father by taking his failings into my own mouth and spitting them out. As I transform my father I transform myself: he becomes the father I want, I become the woman I want to be. I am free.

Hunky, the dreamer, says: Understanding my father’s severe personality disorder makes forgiveness easier. I believe forgiveness is a part of the message. Maybe one of these days I'll have a dream that acknowledges the positive ways he influenced me.

Time for My Own Vision

2011-06-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am subletting an artist friend’s apartment. The main room is square, and I’m very busy preparing food for a large group. A lot of clean-up work is generated. Some guests offer to help but I tell them not to; they have to go to work tomorrow and will need to get up early, whereas I can sleep late. Nevertheless I’m not happy being stuck with all this clean-up by myself.

A very large computer with many components is in the middle of the kitchen. It has a giant screen, of amazing clarity, on a moveable arm. I imagine watching movies on it. But the system is too big, and when we move it out of the kitchen the room is much nicer.

In the course of our rearrangement I discover an image that takes up most of one wall. It’s made of red clay, like the walls of a cave. In its center is a thick, waterfall-like seepage. To the right is a recessed area: at first I think I’m seeing into outer space, as if the recess is a window into the universe. Later I’m not sure: it’s ambiguous. Am I looking at something near or far?

Interpretation: This dream further develops the theme of Relieved of Duty. In that dream I was determined to do a boring and impossible task, and in this dream I jump in to be helpful at a boring task and then feel taken advantage of. The computer (the rational mind) in the middle of the kitchen (a place where transformation takes place) needs to be moved before a more personal, deeper (cave-like) image can be revealed. While the rational mind shows us a very clear picture (its screen has amazing clarity), it’s also impersonal and external, like a movie I’m watching. The more personal image is only revealed once we get this contraption out of the way. The ambiguity of seeing something near and far at the same time tells me that what is “out there” is at the same time “in here.”

Beached and Yoked

2011-06-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

The Dream: An artist acquaintance is a yoga teacher. She’s teaching at the beach and having some difficulty getting the class together.

Interpretation: Whoever we dream of represents some aspect of ourselves. I associate this particular artist with someone who has managed to be successful in the very demanding fine art arena. In my dream she stands for the part of me that would like to achieve this. I see from the dream that I don’t yet have a “following.” I am stranded (beached) and yoked (yoga) by the choices I've made. At the same time I can see that I’m in a beautiful place, doing something I love.

Relieved of Duty

2011-06-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I have a very unglamorous job, something like cleaning up after a party. It requires being in two places at once. This seems impossible, but for some reason I want to do it. There’s a man in charge of the project who finally determines that I am not the person for this job. He’s a nice fellow, practical and pleasant. He asks me how I feel about being let go, and I say that I’m disappointed, but also relieved.

Interpretation: I hope this dream is showing some progress toward resolving a bad habit: I often take on things I really don’t want to do—or at any rate have mixed feelings about--and then slavishly do them par excellence. The dream shows me that being free of this sort of work is not a bad thing.

Dancing with Baryshnikov

2011-06-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

The night before having this dream I asked my dream generator to give me the dream I need, and this is what I got.

The Dream: He isn’t doing his famous leaps or anything outstanding. It is more a sort of walking, a dancer sort of walking, where the trick is not to look like a dancer. At first I’m disappointed; I want drama. I want to see the impossible. “This looks so natural,” I think.

Baryshnikov chooses me as a partner. My job is to anchor him. I stand in the center as he dances around me, holding my hand. I use my arm muscles to steady him and, while it takes some effort on my part, I think he is being careful not to tax my strength. I could handle more force, I think. I could do more.

Interpretation: In the dream, my first reaction is disappointment in the dancer’s (my inner artist’s) performance. I’m an on-looker at this point, wanting to see the leaps of “White Nights” or “Turning Point.” Is he getting old? I wonder. (Am I?) Then I come to see his natural-appearing movement as the artistry it is: the confidence to appear to be doing nothing—but just try it!

When I “help” he is considerate, but I realize I could do more: as could he! I’m left wondering what’s the right amount of effort, the right amount of display? What’s the relationship between effort and performance? Is my dream telling me to simplify? In other words, not to push it?

The Next Step

2011-06-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

Why do we women tend to down-grade our capabilities? This dream shows me I do it; I hope a future one will show me how to stop.

The Dream: Over time my yoga instructor morphs into an art critic. In both roles he tries to encourage me. The yogi gives me a role in the yoga hierarchy; the critic makes a great fuss over my paintings, the ones in the living room which, in my opinion, don’t merit his enthusiasm. I’m uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Interpretation: Both disciplines, yoga and painting, delve into the spiritual; both require a high level of skill. My unconscious thinks I’m on the right path but points out that I’m not comfortable thinking of myself as an adept.

It’s Not Going to Work

2011-06-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

A further development on the theme of The High Cost of Femininity

The Dream: I am about to be married and I have just met my intended. He is extremely tall: our size relationship is that of an adult (him) to a 3-year-old (me). I look up at him as I might look up a redwood; his head is so very far away. I want to love him, because we are supposed to be getting married, but I realize I can’t. We kiss, and it has none of the passion of my kiss with the clerk in the previous dream, who is much closer to my size.

I am sitting at a table when I realize this marriage can’t go forward. I have a sinking feeling as I say, “This is like an arranged marriage.” I know it’s said one comes to love one’s spouse in these situations, but I don’t see that happening. He looks kind, and he is clearly ready to love me, but I announce—in spite of the social pressure to conform—that I can’t do it.

Interpretation: Can there be love, freely given, when such a disparity exists between would-be lovers? I reject love under these circumstances. I think Bettleheim would see the dream as a resolution of an oedipal conflict, the re-enactment of a young girl’s realization that her father is not an appropriate love object. On another level of meaning there's Jung's archetype of the father symbolizing the collective conscious, in other words, the values of society. Is some part of me rejecting these? Do I find them inapplicable to my life as a woman? That I look up to him as to a redwood implies some anger: I see red, and he's thick as a post.

The High Cost of Femininity

2011-06-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

The danger of being a woman was on my mind: the evening before the dream I had read about the incessant rape by invading Tartars of indigenous Polish women, followed by their subjugation at the hands of Teutonic knights. Coincidentally, I had seen a history program on television that featured the rape committed by the Danes when they invaded England in the late middle ages.

The Dream: I have been taken somewhere to be given in marriage. There are several other women in the same situation; they might be my daughters, although we are all the same age. We spend some time buying beautiful, feminine clothing. The clerk is a very attractive person, with dark hair, and at one point we meet in a passionate embrace. The clothing is very expensive—I am surprised at how much it costs. I buy one blouse.

Interpretation: While I enjoy the beautiful things about being a woman, as symbolized by the lovely clothes, I become aware that they come at a price. I’m very attracted to whoever is selling me this concept (the salesperson); I embrace what he has to offer but I’m left thinking about its high cost, and I limit how much I buy (into it).

So What Does It All Mean?

2011-06-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

Readers often ask me how I go about interpreting my dreams. An interesting technique I’ve come across recently has been developed by Scott Sparrow. While many techniques emphasize dream images, Sparrow’s focuses on the action of the dream, and he suggests we’ll learn a lot by looking at the choices we make as we create our dreams. As part of his method he teaches a technique for paring the dream down to its essential action, which can lead to a quick insight. The paring process is as much about what you leave out as it is about what you put in. Things to leave out: descriptions, images, specific actors. What to put in: what happens in the dream.

For example, here’s the pared down dream action of the dream Criticism Resolved: Someone is working on a project. She is angry when someone criticizes her, yet later realizes accommodating the criticism is trivial. For more information about Scott’s technique, which he calls the Five Star Method, click here.

For information about other ways to interpret your dreams, see these earlier posts:

For a way to get started using the techniques in Robert A. Johnson’s Inner Work and some helpful websites for beginners, click here.
A simple way to get at the dream’s meaning is to write about the dream right after you’ve recorded it. For more about this technique, which I call a write-around, click here.

Criticism Resolved

2011-06-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am preparing the design for a square in a new city, putting in trees and plants along the border. I enjoy the project, which is part of a new and exciting cityscape: a beautiful urban place full of art and park-like features. There’s an accidental mound of soil in one of the planting areas.

The director of the project comes by, just as I feel the work is “coming together,” and he is very displeased because the design lacks one of his specifications. He wants a mound, partially covered in bark, with a tree at its center. I return his anger, very annoyed that he isn’t pleased and that he isn’t looking at the over-all design. “Well!” I storm “I’m not finished, am I?” As soon as I’ve said it I feel anxious about my blunt reaction. Then I notice the accidental mound already in the design and realize I can use that space to do what the director wants without having to change anything.

I am relieved. I pretend I had kept his brief in mind as I worked, but I realize it’s just luck that it has turned out to have the feature he had asked for.

Interpretation: Here I’m dealing with my internalized critical father. As a child I often felt he enjoyed pointing out my mistakes. My anger about this surfaces in the dream, but I also realize that I am able to accommodate his expectations without actually changing the way I do things.

It’s Not Me, It’s Him

2011-05-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think my unconscious is laughing at me.

The Dream: A woman learns that her estranged husband fell out of love with her because she had a facial tick when she was stressed: her tongue would roll out and touch below her bottom lip. I am surprised that this is so devastating to his love, because it is something she rarely does. I mention that she does tend to wipe her nose a lot, however. Apparently this doesn’t bother the husband. I think he’s a shallow perfectionist.

Interpretation: Even as I criticize the overbearing, idiotic, perfectionist part of myself I indulge in the behavior. I may think the husband (my other half) is shallow, yet can’t resist adding my own criticism (she tends to wipe her nose a lot). I guess it’s time for me to get over it!

Trying to Find the Center

2011-05-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

Life is an on-going readjustment, as this dream tells me.

The Dream: I am looking at a picture of a skating woman on a Nook; the orientation is landscape. I try to center the scene on the device, moving the drawing from right to left, but I can’t get the picture properly aligned.

Interpretation: Some part of me is skating (on thin ice?) as I go round in circles trying to adjust my psychic “center." So far I'm not getting the picture.

The Pro Creative Cottage

2011-05-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I have a studio in a one room cottage, and I later discover that this room was, in primitive times, a place where couples came to have sex as a rite if they wanted a child.

In the beginning of the dream I am unaware of what the place is. My first glimpse finds it occupied by a lone fellow, who sleeps rolled up in a sleeping bag, on the floor. He doesn’t want to mess up the bed, which is tidily made, so he sleeps wedged in between the bed and the door. I think he’s being silly.

A toilet mysteriously appears next to the “cottage” room, and I am on it defecating large quantities. At this point the fellow no longer occupies the cottage; I’ve become aware of its primitive history, and I know it’s my studio.

Interpretation: This dream about letting go shows a progression from my timid self who won’t sleep on the bed of creativity for fear of messing up to my expressive self who lets it all out. Once I realize that my perfectionism is “silly,” the means of letting go (the toilet) appears. After I let it all out (defecate) I have the epiphany that the cottage is my studio: my sacred place, my place of creation.

Talent in a Limited Sphere

2011-05-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Dream: My friend Mary and I, and a couple of others, are sitting around in an oblong room. Even though we are few in number, performers come through to entertain us. First to appear is a mixed-aged singing troupe, very young children to adult arranged in order of age, youngest to the left. Two singers catch my eye, one an adorable black boy of about five and the other a middle aged brown-haired white woman. Plain but not homely, she looks like a sweet “mother” type from the 50s. She has a lovely voice, but the group as a whole is amateurish. Other performers cycle through and we realize they hope for some sort of success or recognition, but they have a long way to go, and they aren’t getting much exposure performing for us.

Interpretation: This dream juxtaposes the young, expressive, appealing child who has no skill with the boring, not particularly appealing middle-aged woman with surprising talent. Her talent cannot develop in the limited world she inhabits. Perhaps she is past the point where her talent can develop at all. Her dark blue dress and brown hair evoke my mother: am I looking at her limited achievement in the wider world, which I (and she, no doubt) regretted? Did she want me to be “famous” as her avatar? Is this what drives me?

The presence of my friend Mary is a hint that this dream is linked to the last post Who’s in the driver seat?

Who’s in the Driver’s Seat?

2011-05-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

The Dream: My friend Mary and I are in the back seat of a van. A man, with a child of about two years old, sits in the front. I notice the baby is driving, standing on the seat to reach the steering wheel. I am upset and concerned that the father allows his son to drive. I tell the father that I’m “not comfortable” with this baby driving the car. The father gets very angry at me. He talks about his own childhood, telling me how capable he was. He seems to feel his own capabilities were not recognized. I am surprised at his unreasonable outburst. I sit in stony silence, tightening my seat belt and suggesting to my friend that she do the same. Mary, a social worker, tries to engage the father in conversation, and afterward he takes over the driving.

Interpretation: I had been reading Bruno Bettelheim’s analysis of Hansel and Gretel, in which he looks at their actions as choices. For example, finding their way back home after their first expulsion is a regression: the children want to return to the babyish stage of life when parents give all and demand nothing. The mother, once she has expectations of her children, becomes a “witch” to them. The eating of her house symbolizes the children's infantile greediness: they eat their parents out of house and home.* From reading Bettelheim’s interpretations, my unconscious began to deal with the idea of my infantile self being in charge, in other words, with my being driven by the baby. When I protest my “adult,” who has a couple of unresolved childish issues of his own, responds with anger to my suggestion that he take control. Once this conflict is mediated by my social worker friend, who in waking life facilitates communication, a resolution can occur: the adult resumes his rightful place in the driver’s seat.

*Bruno Bettelheim, The Uses of Enchantment, Vintage Books Edition, Random House, New York, May 2010, 208-217.

What’s Making My Head Hurt?

2011-05-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am in a large house. I hear my child crying out to me in distress. I don’t want to deal with her problem: I feel tired, but the insistence of her call provokes me to look for her. As I wander the hallways “in search of” I begin to feel distressed and worried, anxious to find her. A little panicky.

I find her in a room full of children, a primary school classroom. My child sits off to the left on a narrow table set at an oblique angle to the rest of the children, who sit quietly facing the front. She looks as I did at age seven, with blonde curly hair. There’s a big bandage across her head. She sees me, but does not acknowledge me. She wants no part of mother. I awaken as from a nightmare.

Interpretation: In the dream I have dark hair: I’ve become my mother. My child, with blonde hair (unlike my waking life daughter), is me. The well-behaved children who sit so quietly are passive receivers of instruction: cowed, proper, all alike, a nice row of good children. Something has whacked my (inner) child on the head, and she’s gained some independence, but at a cost. The adults who surround her are benign; she’s enjoying their attention as well as the empowerment that comes with rejecting her mother, who has arrived too late. Was age seven when I began to go my own way? To realize Mother can’t save me?

A Baby’s on the Way

2011-05-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am pregnant, about to give birth. A friend has come for the event. The doctor has called and told me the birth will be in about a week. I tell this to my close circle of friends and family, and I begin to fret. I don’t want to have a caesarian and don’t know why I should, since both my previous children were delivered normally. Then I remember my age and how long it’s been since I last had a baby. I remember my Lamaze coach saying that each birth is unique; this experience will not necessarily be like a previous one.

Interpretation: I have just started a new painting and am concerned that my new “baby” might not come out the way I would like it to.

Inspiration from Dreams

2011-05-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

As an illustrator who has some published work I sometimes get queries from design students. One of their most frequent questions is “What inspires you?” Since the students usually don’t know about my work with dreams, they are sometimes surprised when I suggest they consider keeping an illustrated dream journal. Besides giving you a safe and private place to practice skills and play with media, a record of your dreams provides a treasure trove of imaginative ideas. When you’re looking for a subject for a painting or illustration you can look back over your journal and develop one of the images your dream gave you.

For example, I recently made a painting from the dream illustration for “The Chinese Bride.” Several important things changed: the shape of the piece, the medium, the pattern on her dress, the colors—but had I not had the dream and created an illustration for this on-line dream journal, that painting would never have been made. I liked the process and the outcome so much that I am already planning my next dream painting.

Friendly Fire

2011-05-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a war, but it isn’t vicious--at least when it comes to the combatants’ feelings toward each other. Nevertheless, we are in combat. I approach my adversary, in the cockpit of the aircraft he’s piloting. I am a pilot as well, and we are both men. I approach on foot and remove the nose of the other’s plane, which juts out and surrounds him protectively. Then I think better of it, not wanting to make him so vulnerable. I replace his plane’s nose, and we have a friendly exchange.

Next I’m in a hallway where, near the tail of his bomber, explosives are stored. I have a detonator. I press it again and again, expecting an explosion, but it’s a dud. As I press, I wonder if I will be blown up as well. I try to tell myself I’ll be safe, but it doesn’t seem possible. It occurs to me that if my act succeeds I will kill people, an uncomfortable idea that takes some of the commitment out of my effort.

Interpretation: The triggers for this dream came from the news, full of the European/American bombing of Libya. I heard two New York Times reporters speak about their capture by loyalist troops; the reporters were mistreated and abused but also, at times, treated as friends or guests.

This imagery points out that what I am expected to do (kill my enemy) has been imposed on me, and in the dream I begin to question this. My “enemy” mirrors me to the point that I begin to realize we are one and the same. Our conflict is not actual, but a part of something larger than we are, something external; something that should be questioned. I begin to understand that to destroy this part of myself—which I don’t even dislike—will potentially destroy me.

Jung says, “If the projected conflict is to be healed, it must return into the soul of the individual, where it had its beginnings in an unconscious manner. He who wants to be the master of this descent must celebrate a Last Supper with himself, and eat his own flesh and drink his own blood; which means that he must recognize and accept the other in himself.”*

*Carl Jung, “The Collected Works of C.G. Jung ” ed. Sir Herbert Read, Michael Fordham, Gerhard Adler, tr. R.F.C. Hull (Princeton: Bollingen Series, Princeton University Press, 1955/56), Vol. 14 “Mysterium Coniunctionis,” 512.

Staying with My In-Laws

2011-04-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am visiting my in-laws. They give me their bedroom for the night. I am given a single bed next to where they normally sleep: in a “nest” on the floor that’s big enough for two.

Interpretation: I thought of my in-laws, and the gifts they have given me, as I worked in my studio yesterday. As I opened the sky-light I thought of my father-in-law, who had helped install it. I thought of both as I used a paper cutter Clark brought back for me from their house after his mother went into assisted living, and I thought of her again as I used some of her china-painting pigments. In the dream my husband’s family made room for me in the most intimate room of their house, a beautiful symbol of their acceptance, and I am grateful. Although one is gone and the other near death they stay with me, as in the dream I stay with them.

The Symbolic Meaning of Easter

2011-04-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

Just as we have personal dreams, religious myths embody group dreams or shared symbolic content, what Jung calls the collective unconscious. Looking at Easter from this point of view, I see a marvelous tangle of meaning: the one I’ll focus on here is how we participate psychically in the myth of resurrection. First there is the sacrificial death, symbolizing the death of my individual, potentially antisocial desires for the greater good of the group. As I contemplate the god dying for the good of the group, I participate by sacrificing some of my selfishness for the good of others. Once I’ve acknowledged the “bad” parts of myself, symbolized by the god going down into hell, I’m ready for resurrection as purified and perfected (or at least somewhat improved) member of society.

At its most primitive level, this yearly resurrection coincides with the rebirth of nature in the northern hemisphere. Ancient fertility rites lie not too deeply below the many-layered observance. Participating in the fertility of nature gives me food, or sustenance, and, with our own propagation, carries the life force forward. At the spiritual level, the myth celebrates our human attainment of consciousness: we have transcended our animal nature and been reborn into a higher, godlike, level of awareness.

My Daughter’s Haircut

2011-04-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

I’ve started a new dream journal, which always feels like a fresh beginning. I had hoped to have an interesting dream to kick off the event, but the little I remember of this one doesn’t seem so—at least it didn’t until I thought about it. Now I can see the dream is pointing out the part of myself I need to stick up for.

The Dream: My daughter has a new haircut. I’m talking to a woman who works at the salon, who tells me that my daughter was charged $300.00 but should have paid only $90.00. I say I will tell her; the salon worker doesn’t want me to. She wants the shop to retain its ill-gotten gain.

Interpretation: Hair, coming out of my head, represents my ideas; the new hairdo tells me something is changing. Since it is my child whose hair is different, the dream points out that I’m coming to a new understanding of the role my inner child plays in my contemporary life. I feel she has paid too dearly (been overcharged) for her creativity (new ideas). I protest her mistreatment, but as far as this dream goes I do nothing but threaten to squeal. Since I can see this mistreatment is unfair, I hope that in a future dream I will fight harder for my child’s rights.

The Crows

2011-04-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

The Dream: Another gloomy dream from the anniversary of my mother’s death. Three women wear the same boat-necked blouse, but one has different trousers. All will be okay if the 3rd woman gets the same trousers as the other two. She does, but this does not lift the pervading gloom. Large black birds begin to circle, as ominous the crows in the Van Gogh painting made shortly before the artist’s suicide. I try to change the birds into a different sort of bird, something less threatening, I but don’t succeed.

Interpretation: The number three is important in this dream. According to Bruno Bettelheim “numbers stand for people: family situations and relations.” One stands for me, two for a couple, and three for a person in relation to his parents.* In this dream, all wear the same boat-necked blouse. Because of the gloomy overtones here, the boat evokes the river crossing of the shades of the dead in Greek mythology. The three people are me and my dead parents. The trousers are not the same in the beginning of the dream. One (me) has different trousers. Two (the couple, my parents) have the same. I think all will be okay if our trousers are the same, but my unconscious acknowledges this will mean my death (the circling black birds). I can’t change the reality of our separation, even though I try.

*Bruno Bettleheim, "The Uses of Enchantment,The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales," Vintage Books Edition, Random House, New York, May 2010, 142- 3.

What is Your Personal Mythology?

2011-04-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I attended a seminar at the Dream Institute of Northern California given by Fariba Bogzaran and Stanley Krippner. The topic for the day was dreams that are out of the ordinary, such as lucid, precognitive, spiritual, and so on. The final topic of the session was called “Dreams and Personal Mythology,” and that’s the part of the seminar I’m going to focus on.

My personal mythology is the story I tell myself about my life. My mythology might be helpful: “I’m a wiz at math and science.” “I usually get what I want.” “Men find me very attractive”. “I make friends easily.” “I am a deeply spiritual person.” Or it might be harmful: “No one likes me.” “I can’t control my weight.” “I can never do anything right.” “I’ll never be able to _______.” “I’m selfish and mean.” Clearly, what we tell ourselves has a pervasive impact on our lives, and yet we are usually not aware of these endlessly replaying scripts. Bogzaran and Krippner led the group in an exercise to discover these secret messages.

I’ll briefly describe the process in case you’d like to give it a try. To begin, choose one of your dreams. Close your eyes and relax, and after a few moments re-enter the dream. After you experience your dream for a while notice the emotion you are feeling, then notice what part of your body that emotion relates to.

Think of a past waking life experience which evokes the same feeling. Take this information back into your dream, and observe any parallels. This meeting of conscious (waking life) and unconscious (dream) material will help you to discover your personal myth. There are two basic forms of personal myth: the descriptive tells you how things are with you, and the prescriptive tells you what to do.

For more information on this topic Stanley Krippner and David Feinstein have written a book called “The Mythic Path: Discovering the Guiding Stories of Your Past -- Creating a Vision for Your Future.” For further information on unusual dream types Bogzaran and Krippner have written “Extraordinary Dreams and How to Work with Them.”

In Over My Head

2011-04-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am on a chaise longue, reclining next to a couple. The woman sits closest to me, her partner on her other side. She is pregnant, a subtle bulge detectable beneath her blanket. She looks tired and a little frightened. This will be her 5th or 6th child. She has had most delivered vaginally, I’m informed, and one by c-section. Her partner is determined that this baby will be delivered vaginally. The doctor squirms a little; he isn’t as sure. This pregnancy was unplanned. An amorous moment caught the couple off-guard.

The woman appears to be in her early 40s. She has dark hair and a care-worn face. Her hair is short, and she resembles my mother. She seems to be thinking, “Can I pull this off? One More time? Am I in so deeply over my head I’ll never find my way out?”

Interpretation: I had this dream, and the one I’ll post later in the week, on the anniversary of my mother’s death. She was in her early 40s when she contracted diabetes, a disease she lived with for 45 years. It ultimately robbed her of her eyesight. In the dream her concern about her pregnancy at age 40 symbolizes the new concern she had at that age in waking life: living with a progressively debilitating illness. The repeated pregnancies reflect my feeling that she had too much to bear. I cannot understand the feelings I have about my mother's illness with my intellect; I'm in "over my head."

The Evaluation

2011-04-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

The Dream: Clark has entered a project in some sort of judged event, and he is receiving recognition. His piece has been evaluated, with people writing comments on colored pieces of paper that they paste onto a light pink support. The comments are in different hands and follow curved paths, creating something like an abstract piece of art. I am impressed and happy that his project has generated so much interest.

Interpretation: Dreams let us know we are on the right track sometimes, especially if we are not quite aware of it in waking life. Clark, who represents my animus (the part of me that takes on the world), is having some success. I am pleased.

The Chinese Bride

2011-04-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a foreign country, in a theater. A bell rings and we start to go to our seats. We see the locals, who are Chinese, scrambling and rushing. We realize that in this culture it’s considered rude if you are not seated when the bell rings.

Up from a trap door emerges a Chinese bride. She is wearing a white on white brocade outfit. The top part has the look of a traditional jacket with its small stand collar and covered buttons, but untraditionally has a high fitted waist and peplum. The skirt has a very long train. Later I wear this outfit.

Interpretation: A bride symbolizes a new life that is about to begin, and at the time of the dream I was about to begin showing art in a new gallery. I look at this experience from the outside, like a foreigner, and the social error I commit in the dream (not being in my seat when the bell rings) reflects my anxiety about my performance in this new venue. As the dream progresses my psyche begins to realize that I am the one who will be “on stage.” When I merge with the bride, I am accepting both the new adventure and some previously foreign aspect of myself.

Life in the Swamp

2011-03-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

The Dream: Clark and I are in a wasteland, trying to get back. At one point the ground becomes muddy. The swampy earth clings to Clark’s shoes. He is wearing his “good” shoes, so this is distressing. My shoes are more appropriate to the hike, so I am not bothered. The damp and sticky ground begins to give way to streams of varying widths, and I am concerned that Clark will not be able to wade across. However, he manages easily by jumping. We return to a modern maze-like structure.

Interpretation: Clark, my other half, represents my animus. Delving into unconscious material (the swamp) finds him at a disadvantage. As the unconscious material begins to take shape (changes into streams) I realize he could be in trouble. But since he is the part of me that ignores this sort of thing, he manages by jumping over it. We leave the deeper, swampy material behind in order to attend to a current conundrum (the modern maze-like structure).

Guest Dreamer: Fall and Recovery

2011-03-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

An anonymous dreamer has given us today’s dream and has generously provided the beautiful illustration as well. In her interpretation she highlights her experience of presenting this dream to her dream group.

The Dream: My sister and I are walking in an unfamiliar city. As usual we are chatting; I’m not paying attention to where we are going. Suddenly there is nothing under my feet; I have stepped over the edge. I am falling from a very high place into the ocean. The fall takes a long time. The distance to the water is so great that I know unless I land perfectly straight into the water like a bullet, I will be killed or crippled when I hit the surface. My heart is pounding as I fall through the air. Next, I am treading water and looking around. I look back at the cliff and the city. I am far from land. I see a pleasure boat in the distance but it’s too far away to help me. I look back at the spot where I fell and realize I am a mile or two from it. I look for my sister and finally spot her. She's a tiny spec. She is looking at the sea but her gaze is not anywhere near me. Even so, I wave my arms and hope she will see me. She doesn’t. I start to swim back. It is an easy swim and I know I will make it. I have flippers on my feet and I glide swiftly through the water.

The Dreamer’s Interpretation: I took this to my Dream Group even though I was pretty sure the dream acknowledged a positive change, my survival of a very difficult time. In going over it with the group I realized that the dream not only acknowledged my survival in this particular situation, but told me that I have everything I need to take care of myself and to flourish.

As the members responded to the dream as if it were their own, they pointed out what the words and situation mean to them. Each person, of course, saw the dream a little differently. One suggested I ponder what the word “city” means to me. I hadn’t thought about that before, but when I did I realized that for me it represents an exciting place where endless inspiration and creative activities intermingle and communicate. For a while, having been on edge due to an upheaval with an elderly parent, I had dropped away from “the city.”

Another member pointed out that in the dream my sister is the part of me that doesn’t always recognize my own capability (She doesn’t see me). And it’s true that at times in waking life my insecurities do cripple me. Someone else showed me that the dream says I have everything I need (those flippers that magically appear) to face tough times and that I can glide well through life (the sea) and easily get to where I want to go (it’s an easy swim and I know I will make it).

I have found dream work to be tremendously beneficial. Thank you, Carla, for producing The Daily Dreamer. There is always something new for me to learn.

Carla: Thank you so much for sharing your dream and art, and for pointing out the joy and value of being a member of a dream group. There's one more image I'd like the dreamer to think about: the pleasure boat in the distance. Another word for boat is craft. In what way does the dreamer's pleasure in her craft (making art) come in to play here? At the moment it's too far away to be helpful, but we know that boats can move, and I bet it's about to come closer.

For more information about dream groups see About Dream Groups.

The Tree House

2011-03-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I am with three people: a young dark-haired Frenchman, a girl of about 8 to 10, and Aunt Peggy. I know an English pub nearby that has a tree-house over a stream, and I want to show it to the young man who doubts it exists. I find the place. The tree-house has changed a lot since I last saw it. The structure looks far more planned and sturdy, as if lawyers had warned the owner about getting rid of potential hazards. It has lost a lot of its charm, but at least it's still there. It has an unusual staircase, very narrow at the bottom as if to make it impossible for an adult to gain access. I wonder if I can squeeze myself into the narrow stairwell and if I do, whether or not it will be possible to get down again. Then I notice there are some wider stairs on the other side that I could use. Nevertheless I squeeze myself into the narrow staircase and go up to the house over the stream. The four of us are at the top, wandering around. All enjoy it, but I feel it’s become too industrial, not like the more human and haphazard children’s structures of my youth. This place--too sturdy, over planned, mechanical—has lost its soul and poetry.

Interpretation: This dream reinforces what the previous dream was driving at: I’ve lost some valuable part of myself that is connected to childhood. I’ve become too rigid (the structure looks planned and sturdy). This elevated trait of childhood (represented by the tree house) still brings pleasure, but is in danger of being changed to the point of its annihilation. The dream is pointing out the danger (losing soul and poetry) of being too careful.

The Wall Flowers

2011-03-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a car with some other people. At times I’m driving, at other times Clark. We come to an area surrounded by a wall covered with many beautiful flowers. The road is wooded and dense with vegetation, not like a forest, but like a suburban area that has been long established and become overgrown, yet beautiful. I ask what the wall surrounds, since something about the place seems familiar to me. I am told it’s a swimming pool; in fact it is the community pool near the house I lived in as a child. I am excited, saying, “I thought it looked familiar. I spent many hours here as a child.” There are wide concrete steps, set at angles, going down from the pool to street level. The path meanders. I see it’s changed a lot. At some deep level I feel “activated,” but don’t stay to explore. I don’t go into the enclosed pool area.

Interpretation: The walled-off area and the pool represent the potential I had as a child, at the time of life when it seems all things are possible. But I am now like the suburban area, long established (overgrown) and changed from what I once was. The steps taking me down to reality (street level) are concrete, like the time that has past. Despite their concreteness, these steps meander. My path in life has meandered, and I can’t undo the (concrete) choices I’ve made. Although the past can’t be changed, the way I perceive it has changed a lot. This subliminal realization is in some way exciting, but I don’t choose to explore it.

Stephen

2011-03-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

The Dream: I’m in a school-like setting. I enter a classroom and see Stephen at the front of the room, conferring with 3 or 4 other people. I only glimpse him behind the others. I am dressed fashionably, in a mauve hooded cape over a slim skirt. I am aware of being glamorous. I walk through the room toward a back exit, hoping Stephen will notice me. I’m not sure whether or not he does.

I leave the room, wandering the hallway. Will Stephen follow me? Seek me out? “He was the love of my life,” I think. Then I realize that can’t be right. What about my husband? I think about my attachment to Stephen, feeling it’s ridiculous. In love with a gay man? How utterly futile. What is the attraction? I ask myself. We connected, I decide, on an artistic level.

Interpretation: The outfit I’m wearing in this dream was triggered by my watching children draw Little Red Riding Hood on a TV show. I had been reading about visitation dreams on-line, which no doubt inspired the visit from Stephen, a dear friend who died in 1991. As the dream puts these images together, the cape becomes mauve, the color of mourning, and I learn (I’m in a school setting) how to deal with loss by becoming very practical (the relationship was futile; I have another love) and by connecting the lost person to something that I still have, my interest in art.

Living In Hampshire

2011-03-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

The Dream: Clark and I own the rural and idyllic house we lived in when we were in England. I want to go back and stay for a long visit. I wonder if I will be able to get groceries and whatever I need without having a car. I think perhaps I can get some help from my neighbor, but then I remember she is probably elderly by now. I am also concerned with the fallout from the volcano. Is it affecting the country?

Interpretation: Dreams are almost always triggered by current events, including both those in our individual lives and those in the news. This one combines a conversation I had with my daughter about the ways Jamie Oliver has changed the British school lunch menu and the news—current at the time of this dream—of the powerful Icelandic volcano. The unconscious put these together with fond memories of four years in Hampshire and presented me with an idyllic home there. But the home is not without its dangers: I might not be able to get what I need (groceries) and an explosive force hovers. Looking at waking life, the difficult and demented aunt Clark and I are caring for might explode at any moment, and the ravages time has chiseled into her aged face make me aware of the precariousness of any sort of apparent stability. The neighbor who cannot help reflects the isolation we feel in dealing with this difficult situation.

The Quiz Show

2011-03-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

The Dream: Clark and I were on a quiz show that we only vaguely remember. He doesn’t remember being there, and I’m not sure which one it was. I think it might have been Jeopardy. I suggest we watch the old video tape. I remember that we found our window installer as a result of our appearance. We won the 1st window he installed but had to pay for all the others, so I think it was more a marketing ploy than a prize.

Interpretation: There is some dangerous thing (Jeopardy) that I don’t remember. It happened in the past, and it influences my outlook (what I see through the window) in the present, like an old tape that is played and replayed. I feel cheated; the game is not what I thought it was.

The Frog and the Baby

2011-03-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

The Dream: An earlier dream about a frog morphed into one about an adorable baby, whose diaper I’m having a lot of trouble changing. I mention to no one in particular that it was not such a problem when I had to change my own children. The baby is very patient. By the time I get her clean diaper on I think she’s already wet herself again, but I don’t want to investigate that too far because I’d have to go through the trouble of another change. Her parent is going to take her someplace in a convertible, so I place her on the back seat, propped up like a papoose. Then I think better of it, fearing she might go flying out and come to harm. I suggest to the parent that we put her on the floor of the backseat. He comes to look to make sure the spot is a good one and that she will fit into it, and then concurs.

Interpretation: This dream is about some part of me that I don’t like becoming acceptable. The appearance of the frog tips the dream’s hand: in the fairy tale the despised frog turns into a prince. The nascent part of myself (the baby) presents me with some difficulties (she is hard to change), and I underline the difficulty when I comment that my own children were “not such a problem.” After a struggle I am successful in changing the baby, but the effect doesn’t last: she immediately wets herself. This tells me she represents a persistent part of my unconscious, and one that I would rather not take a look at. (I don’t want to investigate that too far.)

But one way or another, change is going to take place. A parent (male) arrives in a convertible (a car that converts, i.e., changes). I hand the newly emergent part of myself (the baby) off to this animus figure (the part of me that deals with the outside world). Both my animus and I seek to protect this newly formed, or discovered, part. However, as we protect her we also put her in the backseat, on the floor, where she can’t be seen--or get into trouble.

For a dream featuring a baby and a spider see Baby and Spider
For other dreams featuring frogs see My Inner Frog and Pass It On

My Cup Runs Over

2011-03-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I am at a church function, in a crowded hall filled with chairs and circular tables. The light level is dim; it is noisy and busy. I am in a long line of people waiting, cafeteria style, to get food. The person dispensing the food has the outgoing charm of a bartender. He is bright and shiny, with curly blond hair and angelic good looks. He is,in fact, the vicar. I’m aware that I think very highly of him.

When my turn comes I order a chicken sandwich. The vicar seems to work efficiently, but time goes by, and my food does not appear. After a while I see a tray near me and take it, soon realizing it’s not a chicken sandwich but has a small round quiche and some delicious looking salads. “Umm,” I think “this is clearly someone else’s, but it looks better than what I ordered so I’ll take it. I’m sure the other person will be able to sort it out.” I am feeling just that little bit uneasy about taking someone else’s food, which may have cost more than my chicken sandwich, but expediency wins the day, and I go on my way with my ill gotten gain, looking for a free table. I’m also looking forward to eating this delicious plate of food.

But wait! Now I notice that the lovely round quiche is half-eaten, with clear little bite marks where the rest of the quiche should be. I have someone’s half-eaten dinner. “Shall I eat it anyway?” I wonder. The thought of a stranger’s germs becomes too distasteful; I get back into the food line in order to exchange this meal for my chicken sandwich.

When I get to the front of the line I ask the attractive vicar/bartender/angelic presence for my chicken sandwich, explaining I’d been given (or erroneously picked-up) someone else’s half-eaten tray of food. He says fine: then he puts a number of goblets on a tray, fills them with various liqueurs, and pours a great deal of vodka over all. It spills down, making a large puddle on the tray around the bases of the goblets. I begin to question, to myself, this attractive fellow’s competence.

But I say nothing, taking my tray of drink away and searching for some friends to share it with. I find my friend Alice. I know she prefers drinking to eating, so I think she’ll enjoy this. But then I remember she is an alcoholic.

Interpretation: To sum up the dream’s message: I mustn’t be a chicken (cowardly). I need to go after what I want in life. I will only get what I deserve, not necessarily what I want. In any case, my cup runneth over. My gifts (the drinks) are meant to be shared, but I must share them with discretion. What I have to give is not for everyone, as symbolized by my ill-advised attempt to share drinks with an alcoholic.

The Old King

2011-02-27T12:02:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I am walking with an entourage. One member is a very old king. He is very small, and lives in a trailing can-like contraption made of rusted metal. I am his successor, and I walk along side him, stooping to chat. I feel I must be respectful, even though his powers are waning. As we go through the streets he often stops to chat with the commoners in an easy and affable way. Clearly they love him, and I admire the way he handles this part of his job.

Interpretation: The entourage represents the larger community I live in. The king represents the patriarchal values of my childhood. Jung would call him a symbol of the collective conscious, in other words, a society’s values. At this point in my life, I’ve outgrown many of these values, so the king appears very small in the dream. His can-like contraption tells me that I’ve canned a lot of what I learned from him. It also hints that some of what I learned was ridiculous. Yet the symbol represents a paradox: on the one hand, to can something means to relinquish it, get rid of it; we shut someone up by saying, “Can it.” On the other, canning is a method of preservation. So in some ways I respect, while I simultaneously relinquish, the old patriarchal values. I feel the power of his beliefs diminish, and at the same time I see their positive aspects.

It’s Really Coming Down

2011-02-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten this dream, until I noticed the rain and said, “It’s really coming down.”

The Dream: Clark and I are in a car; he’s driving. Behind us a car goes over a very steep precipice; some guy has pushed an unoccupied vehicle over the edge. A moment or two later I see the guy follow. He’s wearing a yellow polo shirt and tan trousers. His outfit reminds me uncomfortably of Clark. I feel helpless, watching this event and being unable to do anything about it. It seems clear it’s a suicide. I can’t watch the jump to its inevitable conclusion. I recount what I’ve seen to Clark and say, “We’ll see this on the evening news.”

Interpretation: My husband Clark represents my animus, the part of me that deals with the demands of work and business. That he is driving tells me that the dream is about issues in that part of my life. I’m on edge (the cliff). I’m clearly frustrated with the direction I’m going in, so I push the car (the thing that gets me where I’m going) off the cliff.

Jung called our mentally healthy, integrated psyche the Self. The fact that I stupidly follow the car tells me that if I don’t change direction I’m going to kill my Self, thus losing what I had apparently gained in the previous dream.

Back Home at Last

2011-02-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

The Dream: I’m with Clark, looking at a set of double doors that leads into our house. I am happy and excited to be coming home. I say, “These are the ugly doors to our house,” but I’m smiling broadly.

Interpretation: This dream marks a milestone in my psychic integration. I am with Clark (my husband), my “other half.” The double doors echo the idea of the two who are one, which in Jungian terms refers to a conjunctio, or a resolution of opposites. Male and female frequently symbolize opposing psychic forces which in this dream are harmonious: ahh—a happy moment! My strange reaction to the doors—finding them ugly and yet being so happy to see them—points to one of those rare moments of self-integration and self-acceptance. They aren’t perfect (nor am I); far from it. Yet I’m happy with who I am and where I am.